The Unmentionables?
by Stick97
Summary: Harry is invited to a seminar on Halloween by Hermione. Harry/Multi
1. The Unmentionables

A/N This came about from a discussion about The Unforgivables, which digressed from religion  
to schoolgirl outfits and then Halloween costumes...and well...

**Happy Halloween!**

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing!**"

* * *

Harry Potter, "The-**MAN**-who-shagged-Hermione-Granger-speechless-in-the-middle-of-the-Great-Hall" ™ looked at the invitation in his hand.  
Why Hermione would put together a lecture on Halloween and ask him to  
attend was beyond Harry.

She knew he had a standing appointment with a case of Ogden's finest  
and a bag of cheezy poofs.

But...well, for Hermione?

Damnit.

Oh well, what's the worst that could happen?

He'd have to remember to point out the printing error on the  
invitation though. He was sure she had meant "a study of the  
Unforgivables", not the Unmentionables. Although, with her being an  
Unspeakable, you never knew.

And why had she sent him a set of dress robes? She knew how he hated  
to dress up. Oh well, Hermione always tried to take care of all the  
details.

* * *

October 31st evening.

Harry had to admit, Hermione knew him all too well. The dress robes  
fit him like a glove, and were very tastefully understated. Nothing  
like the gaudy robes festooned with a fruit salad of ribbons and  
medals he normally had to wear at Ministry events. As he straightened  
his tie, he felt the tug of a portkey behind his navel.

Sneaky Minx! She really did know him too well. He had been seriously  
considering skipping out on the event and drowning his memories in  
fire-whiskey. He felt the anti-everything wards go up and knew he  
would have to give the naughty witch a piece of...

Merlin, Morganna, and Maeve!!!

He looked around and realized that he was surrounded by a bevy of  
beauties, all of which were in their Halloween costumes. The costumes  
for the most part seemed to have been bought in the infants section  
due to their skimpiness and lack of fabric. However, some of the more  
risque ones probably came from the back room at Flourish and Blott's  
(which only appeared once you were of age).

Harry reevaluated exactly what piece he would be giving Hermione when  
he next saw her.

"Harry! I knew you'd make it!" said an ecstatic Hermione. "And you  
wore the outfit I picked out for you!"

Harry merely arched his eyebrow, crossed his arms and replied, "Funny  
how that worked, isn't it?"

"Now, now none of that, here, uncross your arms it ruins the lines.  
Now, you'll need your mask..." explained a giddy Hermione.

A giddy Hermione was a dangerous thing. It tended to lead to the  
other Unspeakables gibbering in fear, gnashing their teeth; or a  
drained Harry with friction burn in very sensitive areas.

The last time she was this excited was when her first book was published. He  
hadn't been able to sleep on his back for a week, and still had a scar  
on his shoulder from her teeth.

Ah, good times.

So he was willing to give his kinky bookworm at least the benefit of  
the doubt.

Probably.

"...your costume off very well!" gushed Hermione as she bounced on her toes.

Definitely maybe.

Harry nodded and followed the oscillations for a few seconds, until he  
realized he had just agreed to whatever Hermione had asked him.

Damnit!

The last time he had blindly agreed to something Hermione asked when he  
was distracted, had led to them shagging on the Headmaster's chair of  
the great hall, during the Welcoming Feast. Of course, Hermione had  
been right, and the "boy who lived" moniker had been well and truly  
forgotten. It also led to a new spate of product endorsement  
requests. One of which, the "Hairy Peter" dildo, he still suspected  
Hermione and Luna had conspired on. Oh well, while the new nickname  
did make Hermione blush and sputter, it was much better than the old  
one he hadn't earned.

"Costume? What costume? I am just wearing the dress robes you sent  
me." asked Harry, eyes narrowing, as he wondered just exactly what  
Hermione had gotten him into this time.

"Honestly Harry! Don't you ever read the notes I send you? The  
costume is enchanted to be what your partner most wants to see you in,  
or the best match for her costume! Now put on your mask and get to  
work! There are several witches here who paid good money to attend!"  
fussed Hermione as she applied a sticking charm to Harry's mask.  
"Here's your dance card, remember, we only get a bonus if you can  
identify the witch before you remove their unmentionables! Off you  
go!" and with that, Hermione shoved Harry towards the pack of women.

"Hermione! what do you mean paid? A bonus? Are you whoring me out!?!"  
squeaked a suddenly nervous Harry, who felt disturbingly like a mouse in a room  
full of hungry cats.

'Are they purring?' thought Harry, as he ran his hand through his uncontrollable hair.

Make that a mouse soaked in milk.

The witches all started to move closer, and Harry noticed many of their costumes were either very thin or sheer, and that even though he was sweating, there must be a window open letting in a very cold draft.

Check that, a mouse soaked in cream, rolled in catnip. Judging by the way the cats... err, witches were licking their lips, dinner was about to be served.

"Silly Harry! This is like one of those charity date auctions! All of the proceeds go to SPPEW!" laughed Hermione.

With that Harry was grabbed by the closest woman and saw that his plain dress robes changed into...

* * *

I wasn't going to write any more of this, but I was encouraged to continue. At the same time, there are several other authors, that I would love to see what they could do with this. So if you would like to take a shot, feel free. :)

Quick notes to help-  
No limit on the witches that could appear, after all, Hermione loves a good cause.  
The costume Harry is wearing is charmed to reappear in whatever form the next witch to get their hands on Harry imagines, or best ties together with her costume.  
Voldie is dead, but the evil witches could be "reformed" if you want.

If I can figure out the poll system I will put up a poll for this. Otherwise, please leave a review with who you would like to see.  
Thanks for the feedback.


	2. Daphne Greengrass

Happy Late Halloween!

Meant to have this up sooner, but as they say, "Halloween is an excuse for women to get drunk, and dress slutty!" I had quite a bit of  
research to do... :) The sacrifices I make!

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing**!

* * *

With that Harry was grabbed by the closest woman and saw that his plain dress robes changed into some sort of leather and metal armor? Although, what kind of armor left the legs bare? And why did he seem to be wearing a skirt? There seemed to be a breeze as he felt considerably more air circulation than a mere moment ago. Perhaps going hit wizard was not the wisest choice of underwear for this party after all. At least he had the comforting feel of a sword at his side, and a solid round shield at his back. Although he realized his vision was drastically reduced. He reached up to remove the red Mohawk fringed helmet he now wore, and as it cleared his head, his jaw dropped as he saw a vision of beauty. In a loose fitting, but diaphanous white toga, stood Daphne Greengrass, wearing a crown and a pair of snake skin sandals with straps that crossed back and forth up a pair of amazing legs. The slight breeze in the room caused the ankle length dress to shift and shimmer, exposing an amazing expanse of tanned skin. Golden jewelry accentuated her slim waist, and amazing arse. Harry actually felt pity for the fabric, as it seemed doomed to fail spectacularly if Daphne took so much as a deep breath. For while the lower portion of the dress was loose and flowed, the top was filled to bursting. Her purpleeyes were outlined in a dark eyeliner, and she had an ornate crown with a serpent motif.

Daphne's delicate stroking hands suddenly turned into claws as she dug her nails into Harry's bicep, dragging him away from the hissing females.

"Back Bitches! I worked out a deal with the ringmaster for this event beforehand! You can have whatever I leave of him! Hope you girls enjoy limp spaghetti!" cackled an amused Daphne.

'Wear me out? We'll just see about that! Seems my honor is at stake here, let's see who is limp when I am done with them.' thought Harry, as he glared back at Hermione, who seemed to be laughing with Luna about something. She looked up, blushed and made a shooing motion as Harry was drug into the open door behind Daphne. He noticed Luna seemed to be hiding something behind her back as well. What were those two witches up to now?

With a squelch and several hastily cast spells, Daphne sealed and silenced the room. She turned around, suddenly demure and blushing. "Sorry Harry, Hermione didn't want you to have a chance to back out. She figured I would be able to relax you and answer any of your questions while she kept all the rest of the girls in line and got into her costume. You aren't upset with me are you?" pleaded a worried Daphne, as she fluttered her long dark eyelashes at Harry. She quickly pressed herself against Harry's chest, and looked deep into his eyes. Amethyst eyes met Emerald as the two embraced. Harry sighed, and ran one hand through her silky black tresses. He rubbed his other hand up and down her arm trying to comfort her. He felt a cool, dry scaly ridge, and looked down to see a narrow golden band encircling her arm. He started to trace it, and realized it was a golden snake wrapped around her bicep. As he more closely examined it, he noticed a small snake head lift and look at him. It's emerald  
eyes blinked and suddenly bit the finger tracing the golden snake armband.

"Son of a Bitch! What the hell Daph! I know you are a Slytherin and all, but do you have to take it so far!" yelled Harry, as he stepped back shaking his hand. Just as he was about to suck on the finger, Daphne grabbed his finger, and gently kissed the small puncture wound.

"Relax Harry, it's not a real asp! It's just a way to make sure you take your potions. We all know how much you hate seeing the mediwizard, so we worked this out. It gave you an enhanced healing, stamina, as well as immunity from anything some of those girls might be carrying, and prevents transfer of anything nasty. Plus this way you don't have to taste anything too vile." explained Daphne.

Harry knew he could trust Daphne, although he was getting tired of his witches making decisions for him. He did have to admit however, he really didn't like seeing the mediwizards. After the last incident, and the resulting donation leading to a replacement wing of the hospital, he was pretty sure no one else would be telling him to turn his head and cough. Thanks to his advisor at Gringott's, at least the new Lily Potter Wing of St. Mungo's was tax deductible. Hermione still hadn't told him what exactly that new wing would be used for though. Oh well, good causes and all that.

"Still Daphne, did it have to involve a bite? You know I am not a big fan of those!" complained Harry. She was now lightly nibbling on his finger, and the anger was rapidly fading. Suddenly, he felt a cool hand underneath his armor, and was even less concerned.

Daphne giggled, "Didn't seem to bother you when I bit you last week Harry. Besides, I think I have a lot more to worry about with this trouser basilisk than you do from my little bitty snaky-poo."

With that comment, Daphne dropped to her knees and proceeded to say hello to her favorite snake. While it didn't turn her to stone, it certainly made her insides melt with it's venom. She also greatly enjoyed the role reversal of turning it to stone; over and over and over again.

"I thought you said that there wasn't anything to worry about from that snake bite Ms. Greengrass?" asked a highly distracted Harry. So distracted that he missed the small ding when he correctly identified the first and last name of the witch he was with.

"Mmmf'ere mmmmn't mmmlly" mumbled Daphne, quite focused at her task.

"Really? Well it still seems like you are going about sucking out the poison the long way." moaned Harry.

Daphne declined to respond verbally, although she did give a warning squeeze of Harry's balls, that clearly sent the "less punning, more tonguing" message. Daphne's lips gave an audible pop, as she pushed Harry on to the inordinately large bed and proceeded to straddle his face. Harry had to laugh when he saw her panties. Only a Slytherin would wear snake skin panties. Functional though, as he noticed there was no crotch. With that enticing visible reminder he decided to remind Daphne of just why Parseltongues were so revered in the magical Karma Sutra.

With a yelp, Daphne cursed and tried to uncross her eyes enough to finish her assigned task. Unfortunately, Hermione had gotten Daphne quite worked up in their "negotiations" and she was on a hair trigger. Every time she managed to stop panting long enough to grab Harry, he would start doing something different with that damned, horrible, unfair, prehensile, twitching, vibrating, wonderful..."

"OH DEAR SWEEEEEET MERCIFUL MAEVE ON A BROOM! GET UP HERE AND FUCK ME POTTER!" howled an overcome Daphne. Frankly, between that absolutely amazing tongue, and being unable to focus enough to avoid being poked in the eye, she just couldn't compete. As her world spun crazily, Harry quickly flipped on top of her and grabbed one cheek of her arse, slowly dragging his warm, rough hands up her thigh. As he traced the lines of her leg to the back of her knee, he slowly raised and further spread her legs. With his other hand, he shifted the fabric of the top of the dress off of her breasts, and began to suckle and stroke them.

With a long drawn out sigh, she felt her nether lips being insistently spread by what felt like an extra large broomstick. Oh, how she had  
missed this! Damn Hermione and her overly complicated plans! Too much planning, just for a bit of coordination of schedules!

Harry was actually considering the fact he should have kept the helmet he had started this with on. Between Daphne's howling and her tendency to pull hair, he wasn't sure if his ears or his hair were in worse shape. Of course now that he had her good and going, all he really needed to do was avoid having her crack his ribs again. Her legs could be classified as the fourth Unforgivable, if she got them wrapped around you. The good thing was, having her in this position just encouraged her submissive tendencies, as Hermione had discovered and shamelessly taken advantage of.

With her legs restrained, her breast being paid a delightful amount of attention, and still slightly dazed by the earlier oral orgasm, she was in a state of nirvana. Harry proceeded to shag Daphne through several screaming, howling orgasms, before they both finished together. She hissed in a mixture of pain and satisfaction before gently shoving him off. Rolling to the side, and shuddering, she undid the ties on her knickers and handed them to Harry.

"That was wonderful Harry, but I simply can't take any more. Take these outside, and see who strikes your fancy next." groaned a twitching Daphne, cradling her far too sensitive privates.

"Fine Daph, but remember before you start bragging next time, you were the limp one when I left." chastised Harry, as he straightened his costume.

Daphne merely raised a two finger salute as Harry removed the charms, and left the room. Once the door closed, she chuckled, and let her arm bonelessly drop across her stomach before curling into a ball and sleeping the sleep of the well satisfied.

As he opened the door, he was only slightly surprised to see most of the witches hastily rolling up WWW's Extendable Ears up, while a few were fanning themselves, wearing glasses that looked suspiciously like copies of the pair Luna would wear on the Hogwarts Express. He noticed a box by the door, labeled SPPEW's Unmentionable's Collection point, and dropped Daphne's knickers in them. He heard a faint ding, and looked towards the direction of the bell. There was a large scoreboard on one wall with SPPEW at the top, and his name on one side followed by a scrolling board listing odds and witches names. He shook his head at the blatant misspelling on both the bin, and the tally board. It seemed he would have to have a talk with Hermione. She really was slipping if she was misspelling her own organization's acronyms.

He was slightly worried at the fact that the board looked entirely too much like the odds board the twins had carried around during the World Cup and the TriWizard tournament. What could all of the witches be betting on though? Best he not think too heavily on it, Hermione had told him the event only went to midnight. Wouldn't want her disappointed by her little fund raiser after all.

He looked around and noticed a witch that drew his eye and...

* * *

A/N -thanks for all of the feedback and reviews! I have pretty much everyone and their costumes planned out at this point. I think I will not spell out who all of them are, just to see if my descriptive skills at the costume are sufficient. Review and let me know if you figure out the costumes. I will remove each witch from the poll on as their chapter is written. It was interesting that Ginny only got one vote out of everyone who voted. Let me know who you would like to see next! Thanks especially to everyone at the numerous HP yahoo groups (See'lvor, Caer, & 3or4) I troll about on, who have helped me tame this plot bunny!

Just a quick explanation, this is an AU built with large parts of the Harry Potter Chief Auror universe, various fanfics, and my own twisted delusions. Ignore the Definitely Horribles and the crapilogue.


	3. Shadows of ME

In the Slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Hero's

(which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing!"**

A/N – trying to fix the sodomy that ff . Net is determined to perform on my stories. As an anonymous reviewer felt the need to call me a retard for posting this without fixing the errors, I felt obliged. Of course, next time, how about advice to fix the issue, rather than BS? Hopefully, the eighth time is the charm. In case this works, I am saving the file as a .html file and then uploading it. I tweaked a few things here and there, but mostly just formatting issues. Sorry for the alerts. :)

Harry looked around and noticed a witch that drew his eye and proceeded to head in her direction. The witch had an amazing arse, and filled out her outfit quite nicely. She was covered from head to toe in a red gauzy material, and all he could see were a few escaping strands of reddish blonde hair and enchanting blue eyes. He walked towards her, and as he held out his hand, heard muttering from the other witches.

Ignoring them was easy, as he had long ago learned how fickle they could be. He was entranced, and as he followed her to her room, he could feel his costume changing to suit hers.

Harry felt a sudden chill on his head, as his hair seemed to have disappeared. Oddly enough, he felt a full thick beard on his face.

While Harry was talented at many things, growing facial hair was not one of his talents. The only person who had been worse was Ron, who after months looked like he had either a severe case of mange, or had trimmed his pubes and attached them in haphazard sparse patches to his face. His costume now seemed to be some sort of loincloth, and he felt the weight of heavy chains on his ankles and wrists.

'Merlin, but I attract the kinky ones!' thought Harry, shaking his head. One nice benefit, was he seemed to be buffed up quite a bit. Normally, he went for the sleeker build in his workout routine, but it was an interesting feeling being so muscular. Maybe he was supposed to be Hercules or something?

While Harry was pondering his costume, the witch turned and cast the obligatory silencing and locking charms. As he heard the squelching noise of a successful charm he looked to the witch, and noticed her wand was an odd silver color and shape.

"Harry, I know trust is difficult for you, but I really need to do something, so let's consider this as a bit of a trust exercise." purred the witch, standing well out of Harry's reach. She waved her wand, and Harry felt the chains attach to the pillars he was standing between. He glared at the witch, and started to gather his magic to break free. The witches' eyes widened before she quickly reached down with her odd wand and ran it along her outfit. A gauzy red strip of cloth separated from her outfit, and she quickly blindfolded Harry with it. As she tied the fabric around her eyes, she whispered, "Please Harry, I need you to trust me!"

Harry tensed, never really liking not being able to see, and even less being restrained. He took a deep breath, and began his Occlumency exercises, trying to clear his mind, and focus on his other senses. Slowly his muscles relaxed, feeling slightly more in control of the situation, and with the knowledge that most of his enemies were no longer living.

He could feel sweat trickling down his back, the cold steel of the manacles, the slight tension as his muscles were just stretched enough to feel it. He could smell the scented candles in the room, as well as hints of fruit. Not to mention the arousal of the witch in the room with him. He heard the shifting of fabric as the witch moved. He heard an odd sound that reminded him oddly of his Aunt Petunia. He knew that sound, what could it be, metallic, almost scraping, not a knife, but...

"Here Harry, open wide." said the witch, gently placing a plump strawberry dipped in fresh whipped cream at his lips. She did not attempt to force his mouth open, merely patiently waiting for him to accept her offering. The cool cream on his lips, and the heavenly smell of fresh ripe strawberry, combined into a heady feeling. He bit into the succulent berry, and the burst of juicy nectar caused him to moan in pleasure. He could feel the juices trickling from his mouth, and he extended his tongue to capture all he could reach.

Suddenly he felt a hot, wet tongue tracing the lines of his pectoral, following the dripping juice from its' initial point of impact along the planes of his chest. He shivered as the air cooled the trail of moisture left by the witch's questing tongue. Finally the tongue came to his nipple, swirling around it before nipping gently. Harry rose to the balls of his feet, partially wanting to escape, partially wanting to get more of the feeling. The tongue continued it's languid journey, slowly moving down his side before tracing his obliques to his six pack. The witch then circled his belly button, before plunging her tongue in. Harry pulled back violently, squirming and laughing.

"Well, well! It seems someone has a ticklish spot? I wonder if I will find any more tonight? Before I continue my...explorations, I have to admit, I feel a bit over dressed. After all you are just in that tiny loincloth, and I am totally covered. It does seem to be getting awfully warm in here doesn't it Harry?" asked the witch, slowly dragging her fingernails across Harry's body. Suddenly the sensations stopped, and Harry found himself unconsciously leaning forwards, trying to recapture the feeling. He heard the familiar sound again, and it repeated several times over the next few minutes.

It was a rhythmic, dimly familiar sound. He knew he knew it from somewhere, but where?

His ruminations were suddenly halted, as he felt the silky material being tied around his left wrist, before it was pulled taut. He had no more room to move than before, but he realized the cold steel was no longer on that wrist. The same silky fabric was slowly dragged across his left shoulder, following it's own curving path. It wound around his right arm, and tied itself around his right wrist before he felt it too, pull taut. He felt the procedure repeat on both legs, and relaxed somewhat.

While he was still trussed up like the proverbial Christmas Hen, he no longer had the harsh metal cutting into his skin.

Harry suddenly tensed as he felt a piece of cold sharp metal gently poke him in the inner part of his left knee. "Crap! Please don't let her be some crazy goth cutter!' thought Harry. Tensing up again, he felt the blade slowly trace up and across his left thigh. He relaxed after a moments panic, when the blade moved on, up to his hip, and slid underneath his loincloth. He heard the familiar sound again, and as the loincloth fell away from his hip he suddenly remembered it's source.

Scissors!

He had only had one haircut that he could remember, but the traumatic experience of being trimmed nearly bald still stuck with him. He had cried himself to sleep, and when he awoke the next morning, his Aunt was furious to find his hair had all grown back!

She had cursed and yelled, but had been afraid to try cutting his hair again.

"Hmmm, nice hat rack you have there Harry. But I can think of something more useful than holding up an old loincloth for it to do." purred the witch, slowly stroking his now firm member. She removed the remnants of the loincloth, and he relaxed in his bonds, feeling her skillful hands excite him. While he didn't recognize the witch, or her technique, he was actually beginning to enjoy himself. When the stroking suddenly stopped, he couldn't resist letting out a groan of disappointment.

Coming from much lower, he suddenly heard, and felt the witch's warm words. "Now, now, we wouldn't want to call you Mr. Pouter, would we?" breathed the witch. Her warm, moist breath tantalized Harry, as he tried not to instinctively play an erotic version of Pin the tail on the Donkey. He felt the witch's nose nuzzle his scrotum, as she seemed to be using her other senses as well. She deeply inhaled, and he felt her tongue sensuously lap at his balls, before tracing the throbbing vein up his waving shaft. Her tongue swirled around the crown, before she suddenly engulfed the head and began to suck lustily away. Harry was suddenly glad that he was blindfolded, as the witch would be unable to see his eyes roll to the back of his head. More importantly, the added visual stimulation would have been too much, as all of his other senses seemed even more heightened. He could hear the sloppy slurping, and gasps as she attacked him. The feel of her head bobbing up and down, all the way to the base before pausing, and slowly and gently dragging her teeth back to the crown was an excruciating torture. Her arousal now overpowered any other scent in the room, and his imagination ran wild. He could visualize liquid trails of her excitement, slowly running down her leg. His mouth watered at the thought of being able to trace the trail back to it's flowing source. The sensations combined were overwhelming, he would not be able to take much more.

"Take off the blindfold..." whispered Harry, wanting to see the face of his tormentor.

With a loud pop, the witch detached and coyly said, "Now what do we say?"

"Take this bloody blindfold off, NOW!" growled Harry. His aura, was now flaring, a dark emerald green, and it seemed to caress the witch.

She shivered, and then laughed. "Now, now, I will take the blindfold off, but I need you to do something...well, odd for the lack of a better word. Will you promise me Harry?" asked the witch in a hopeful tone.

"As long as it doesn't involve me buggering Odd Lovegood, FINE! Now get this damnable thing off of me! I want to see your face witch!" thundered Harry.

"Somehow, I doubt you'll say that in a minute, but fine Harry. Just a moment." With that, the blindfold seemed to disintegrate, leaving only glowing motes that encircled the pair. Harry was much too distracted, as the witch had resumed her earlier activities with a vengeance. Harry threw back his head, letting out a feral growl, as he once more tested his bonds.

As he tried to control himself, both he and the witch were too distracted to notice that his hair had started to grow back. While before, he looked like he was about to leave for basic training at Auror school, he now had at least an inch of hair sprouting all over his head.

Harry shook his head, trying to clear it enough to be able to focus his eyes on the witch...the witch wearing nothing but a head dress that obscured her face, leaving her ample charms on display. She was a toned beauty, curvy and fit. Her firm breasts danced proudly on her chest, and he was glad to see her nipples were rosy and erect. He could see a light dusting of reddish blond hair on her mons, neatly trimmed. He could see every inch of her, with only one thing hidden.

But why was her face hidden behind the head piece and veil? Was it Lavender? He knew she had issues from the scarring attack from Fenrir, but he thought she was over it. He thought briefly of the jokes that circulated on the boy's side of the Quidditch locker room.

Was this the much maligned "ButterFace" he had heard taunts and whispers of?

Whoever she was, her eyes were beautiful and seemed to draw him in, he didn't care what her face looked like, he was going to see all of her.

With a grunt, Harry pulled his right hand free, stretching and snapping the restraining cloth. The witches eyes opened wide and she squeaked, causing quite the odd sensation, considering where her mouth was. Harry reached down, placing his hand under the veil to gently stroke the left side of her face.

He did not feel scaly skin, oozing pustules, or some other atrocity.

Merely smooth, soft skin.

He gently said, "Please, take off your mask." He felt a splash of hot tears on his hand, as she closed her eyes, and shook her head slightly from side to side. "Come now, I don't have any secrets from you, surely you can show me your face?" probed Harry, wondering what she was so desperately hiding.

The witch pulled back, laughing bitterly, looking down as she sat back on her heels. "If only you knew, Harry. Secrets are the root of this whole experience. But I suppose I asked you to trust me again, and you did so, not even knowing my identity. Very well then, but please don't flinch or turn away...I...I...don't think I could take it after how you looked at me earlier." whispered the Witch, looking pleadingly into Harry's eyes.

With that the witch tilted her head down, reached behind her head and muttered a spell under her breath. As she traced her fingernail down the back of the seamless veil, it parted, the ends glowing like a hot weld. She sniffled, as she removed the veil and set it aside. Harry's heart ached as he watched her hot tears fall to the floor.

She sighed, and then seemed to find an inner strength. The witch straightened, and suddenly looked Harry straight in the eye. Harry was so awestruck by the fire in her eyes, he did not notice anything else for a few seconds. The witch's eyes suddenly turned to liquid pools, as Harry continued to look directly at her, and did not recoil or strike her as she feared.

Harry blinked, as he tried to pull his locked gaze away from the witch's soulful eyes, slowly realizing the witch was Marietta Edgecombe!

The once beautiful girl had bags under her eyes, as she seemed haunted. The word "SNEAK" still remained on her face, faded with time, but noticeable. He gently put both hands to her face, and slowly encouraged her to stand. He bent forwards, and gently kissed her forehead, and then softly kissed her full lips. She sighed, and threw her arms around him, pressing herself firmly against him.

Sobs racked her body as Harry softly whispered sweet nothings in her ear, gently cradling her head to his body by the nape of her neck. With a tug he snapped the other ribbon, allowing his other left hand to stroke her back in comforting small circles.

After a few moments they parted, Marietta running her hands through Harry's hair, that now looked like it had never been cut at all. She shivered at the feel of the silken cloth that trailed from Harry's encircling arms, to the cleft of her arse. She sighed contentedly, before firmly nodding, and dropping to her knees to finish her self appointed task.

Harry tried to stop her, as he was quite enjoying the feel of the svelte witch in his arms.

Marietta laughed, and began to speak as she resumed stroking Harry. She looked doubtfully up at Harry, before finding something inside herself that made her press on. "Harry, remember I asked you to do something odd? Well, it's not buggering Odd Lovegood, but you may still find it distasteful. I need you to _ejaculateonmyface_." explained a blushing Marietta, whispering the last out in a rush.

"You want me to what?" asked a befuddled Harry. "Why in the world would you want me to do that?"

"Well, the curse was only supposed to last a few weeks, but it seems someone cast a memory charm on me, causing me to forget exactly what I had done. I still felt the guilt, so the contract stayed in force. If I had just honestly apologized, it would have cleared up before school started back up at the latest. My healer says it is something the Muggles call a repressed memory, and as long as I feel guilty towards you, the sneak stays on my face. So this is basically a way to publicly apologize, and try and regain control over my life. Please Harry, I have fulfilled all my other obligations, and this would be a cleansing experience for me." pleaded Marietta, looking up at him with those entrancing liquid pools of blue. She then proceeded to engulf his member with her mouth, and began to hum, weakening his resolve quickly.

Harry groaned, and placed both of his hands on Marietta's head. At that moment, he would probably have agreed to resurrect Draco Malfoy to keep her happy and continuing her actions. He nodded at the pleading eyes of Marietta, and saw her smile once more around his member.

She suddenly seemed to be moving under a speed enchantment. Both her hands were stroking him while her mouth did amazing things to him. With all of the teasing, Harry was on a hair trigger. He grunted, and pulled back from Marietta's hot mouth, but was unable to escape from her furiously stroking hands. He howled as he felt himself explode.

After a moment, as he twitched and tried to gather air back into his lungs, he looked at Marietta, and bit his lip...hard!

Marietta snickered, and said "It's alright, Harry, I imagine I am quite the sight!"

"You...you...you look like a glazed donut!" laughed Harry, conjuring a mirror for her wandlessly.

Marietta blinked, and then started laughing uncontrollably. "It looks like I used a meringue custard as a facial! Goodness, the others warned me, but I thought they were exaggerating!" She ran a finger across her lips giving her a bizarre smile, before placing her finger in her mouth and moaning. "Oh, that genius witch is a Saint! I so owe her!"

"Owe her? what do you mean, Marietta? What did Hermione do?" growled Harry, as his eyes narrowed in anger.

Marietta froze at the look in Harry's eyes. "Um, nothing BAD per se. She just sort of made your ejaculate increase in volume." explained the now nervous witch.

Harry merely arched an eyebrow, and growled, "You think?!" while gesturing at Marietta's coated face. He then proceeded to cast an Evanesco on Marietta's face. He smiled at her pout, as she studiously licked the last remnants of her fingers. Then he gasped.

Her face was not only free of the SNEAK pustules, it almost glowed!

She looked like a fresh faced teen again, all wrinkles, blemishes, and imperfections gone. The bags under her eyes were gone, and her eyebrows and hair seemed even more lustrous and vibrant.

Quite simply, she was breathtaking, and Harry felt a strong stirring in his loins.

Unfortunately for Harry, Marietta took this moment of distraction on Harry's part to look into the floating mirror he had cast earlier.

With a squee! that nearly burst Harry's eardrums, Marietta started to run out of the room. She made it to the doorway, quickly removed her charms and almost left. She suddenly stopped with one hand still in the doorway, and her posture slumped. She looked over her shoulder at Harry, blushing.

"I guess I haven't really changed after all, huh? You have been so caring and sweet to me, and as soon as I get what I want, I go running off on my own. I just got so excited, and..." whispered a tearful Marietta.

"Go! Heaven knows you have suffered enough for doing what you thought was best for your family. Go and share your happiness with your friends, Mari." said a smiling Harry, as he made shooing motions with his hands.

Marietta wiped her tears, and gave a bright, gleaming smile that lit up the room. She started to turn to leave, and the smile shifted to a mischievous one. "Don't suppose I could get a raincheck to finish up a bit later, could I?" asked Marietta, coyly batting her long eyelashes at Harry.

"Minx! Fine, fine, I'll see if I can't save you a little something. Better not take too long though!" laughed Harry.

Marietta jumped in joy, and resumed squealing, skipping out of the room like a carefree toddler.

Harry shook his head, idly wondered how long it would take her to realize she was naked out there, or if she would even care at all.

Then he realized that he was still tied to the pillars in the room, and his costume had been cut to pieces as well. He sighed, reaching out to lean each hand against the pillars. He was quite surprised when they toppled over, and he flinched, expecting the ceiling to cave in on him.

After a moment without a painful crushing death, he opened an eye, and felt his head and body. Finding himself intact, and still unfortunately erect, he sighed. With a shrug, he picked up his cut loincloth and headed out the door.

He found Marietta, still nude, bouncing quite enticingly with a cluster of other witches. He cleared his throat, and all eyes, and certain other witches' body parts in the room, were instantly directed at him.

"Ahem, eyes up ladies! Would someone care to fix my costume here?" asked Harry, as he leaned against the doorway, grinning with his arms crossed.

While his muscular bulk had vanished, other parts were all Harry. One part in particular seemed determined to wave at all the pretty witches in the room, proving it was nothing to be scared about and was a friendly penis after all.

Suddenly there was a cacophony of shouts from the waiting witches. Harry noticed the SPPEW board light up as numbers began to spin rapidly on it. The ringing noise that accompanied the flashing nights reminded him strongly of the casino's he had visited in Monte Carlo.

Just then, Hermione came running forward, covering Harry up, to a chorus of boo's and hisses. "Honestly, Harry! Is it too much to ask that you take better care of your clothes? I can't take you anywhere!" hissed Hermione. She seemed to be working herself into a spectacular rant. Harry merely shrugged, before looking towards Marietta. She bashfully waved, and upon seeing Hermione's sudden glare, blanched and hid the scissors behind her back.

Hermione turned back towards Harry, and with a "Hrmmph!" seemed ready to tear into him regardless.

Until Luna came breathlessly dashing up, and grabbed Hermione by the ear. After furiously whispering in the captive ear for a moment, she forcibly directed Hermione's attention towards the still spinning, flashing and ringing SPPEW Board.

Hermione's eyes lit up and she smiled a quite scary smile. She patted Harry's penis like one would a favored pet, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She quickly placed his costume back on him, and repaired it seamlessly. "No harm, no foul! Now off you go stud! Lots of apparently quite well to do witches here tonight! Back to the grindstone and all!" laughed Hermione.

She turned him back towards the gathered crowd of witches and smacked him on the arse. "Now go out there and shag somebody!" she cackled.

Harry narrowed his eyes, already plotting his revenge, when he noticed...

A/N: I am trying to clean my stuff up and move everything over before ficwad dies a sudden death. It's where I first started posting my stuff, so I will be sad to see it go, but, since I am unwilling to make my own site, I am moving everything here. Thanks to all the folks at CaerAzkaban, 3_or_4 Part Harmony, and See'lvor's sites on Yahell. Plus the ever so interesting folks at DLP.

One interesting thing? I think I ended up being much nicer to Mari than Susan. I think I resented all the crashes I had while trying to write her chapter. I am about 1/3 of the way through the next chapter, and I am definitely getting some interesting feedback. :)


	4. B is for Bones v2

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes

(which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! _**Nothing!**_"

**A/N**: I think I have the formatting thing at least readable now, let me know if you are still having issues. Thanks!

* * *

Hermione turned Harry back towards the gathered crowd of witches and smacked him on the arse. "Now go out there and shag somebody!" she cackled.

Harry narrowed his eyes, already plotting his revenge, when he noticed a witch dressed as some sort of flower. He laughed to himself,thinking Neville would have loved this girl. She was a dream in green, white and yellow, and her petals were the things the gods spoke of in reverent tones. He finally looked up to the woman's unadorned face and simply shook his head.

Leave it to Susan Bones to make his life easy. She had been hanging around Harry and Hermione for years, always a fun shag, and pretty much up for anything. While she was actually quite intelligent, her bouncy attitude and bust made most underestimate her. At any rate, Harry had long ago learned not to pass up an opportunity with the happy former Hufflepuff.

"C'mon Sue, let's go. Love the costume by the way." chuckled Harry, as he grabbed Susan's hand and walked to the doorway.

Susan started jumping up and down happily, skipping along past several other disgruntled witches. She stuck her tongue out while crossing her eyes at one or two witches in particular. Harry noticed none of this, as he was quite distracted watching Susan nearly bounce out of her low cut green top.

So distracted in fact, that he missed the opening of the door, and found the frame of it with his jaw. As he bounced off the frame and to the floor, he tried to recover his dignity, and ignore the buzzing in his head. "After you, Ms. Bones." said Harry, politely gesturing Susan through the door. He shook his head trying to ignore the ringing noise in his ears. He did take a moment to enjoy the view as Susan entered the room. She was in a long, green low cut form fitting dress, that was slit up both sides nearly to her waist. She was wearing elbow length gloves, along with a white flower petal headpiece that finished the floral themed outfit off.

As Susan entered the room, Harry enjoyed the view as she swished her hips back and forth. While most people focused on her front, Harry was definitely an equal opportunity man, and had a great appreciation for her tight, delectable arse. He thought back fondly to the one night with Susan and Hermione, and the bottomless pot of warm chocolate sauce, marshmallows, and...

"Harry! Aren't you coming?" giggled Susan, crossing her arms under her breasts and pouting adorably.

'If I kept thinking about that night? All too soon!' thought Harry, suddenly craving S'mores. He stood up, and after dusting himself off, entered into the room. He began massaging his jaw, trying to clear his head, and focus on the woman in front of him. "Wow, I really rang my bell on that door! My ears are ringing, and I can't seem to get this buzzing out of my head." laughed Harry, sticking a pinky in his ear and wiggling it about. "What's with the music Sue? I didn't know you were in to jazz?"

"Gee, Harry, I can't imagine why you would be hearing buzzing? **giggle** Although I suppose you haven't taken a good look at your costume yet have you?" asked Susan, who was beginning to laugh so hard, she was in danger of bursting the seams of her costume.

Interestingly enough, it was having a similar effect on Harry's costume. Harry looked down and wondered 'Why am I dressed in Hufflepuff yellow and black stripes? More importantly, what in the bloody blue blazes am I doing hovering a foot off the ground!? Harry was really starting to have concerns, he suddenly heard the buzzing increase, and there seemed to be a wind picking up in the room. Harry twisted frantically, trying to see what was causing the noise and the sudden wind. Unfortunately, whatever it was that was causing him to float, also caused an effect similar to the plane he had seen used for training astronauts.

As he spun rapidly in the air, he thanked his father for his skills at Quidditch. While he now understood why the plane was called the "vomit comet", he seemed to not have the typical reaction. He was getting a nice little buzz though.

He calmed down, and slowly his rotation speed reduced. He noticed that Susan had unzipped the dress down to just below her navel, and her luscious breasts were on full display. Susan trailed her hands up from her hips and along her sides, slowly lifting and pressing both breasts together. Between the throbbing in his loins, the damnable buzzing in the room, and what felt like an imprint of the door frame in his skull,Harry was almost overcome. And what the hell was with that crazy damn music?

Susan smiled, and with her right hand, lifted a rosy nipple to her mouth and began to lick it while gesturing with her left index finger for Harry to come closer.

Harry tried to walk towards Susan, but he didn't seem to be making any progress. He tried moving faster, until finally he was running in place. He looked down, and realized he literally was, and he was still a bloody foot off the ground. He groaned, and shook his head in frustration. Susan was now bent over, with her hands on her knees, and seemed to be quite out of breath.

"You know, normally, I like to see a girl in that pose all out of breath, but right now it stings a bit." grumbled Harry. He was really starting to get frustrated, and was rapidly headed towards upset.

"Stings he says! **chortle** Really Harry? **snorkle** You really should learn to not just fly into things without being aware of the situation. **giggle** Being!" laughed Susan, falling on her arse and rolling about on the floor, desperately holding her ribs and laughing herself breathless.

"Ha. Ha. You know if you are just going to roll around on the floor and wrestle with yourself, maybe I can charm up some jello or pudding, so I can at least enjoy the show." groused Harry, with his arms crossed and a rather frustrated look on his face.

"Oh, I don't know Harry, how about some honey instead? It might be easier to whip up? **Snort!**" gasped Susan.

"Whatever, I think maybe I'll try and float back outside." said an extremely frustrated Harry.

"Now, now, no need for that. Here, let me lend a hand, and we'll see if a little stabilization doesn't clear things up a bit." Susan got off the floor, and put action to word, grabbing the front of Harry's costume with one hand and pulling him close for a passionate kiss.

After a moment, she pulled back slightly and licked her lips.

"Morganna, that witch is a genius! She should get an award for this!" whispered Susan. She slowly dragged her left hand down Harry's chest, and proceeded to extract his manhood from the costume. "There now. I've found a nice sturdy handle, why don't you look over your shoulder and see if we can't clear things up." smiled Susan, slowly stroking Harry, while occasionally rubbing the thumb of her right hand over the tip to spread his precum.

Harry shook his head again, trying to clear his head, and wondering exactly why he would want to look away from Susan sucking on her thumb with a blissed-out expression. He also noticed the music seemed to have slowed down and acquired a familiar bass line. Finally, he slowly looked over his right shoulder and saw a rapidly buzzing pair of wings!

He looked back at Susan in shock, and she simply giggled, before pointing up at his head. Harry simply goggled at Susan, before she removed one of his hands from her breasts, and placed it on his head. He went to instinctively rub at the sore spot on his head, when he stopped in amazement.

He had a pair of bloody antenna sticking up out of his damned head! He could feel them waving about furiously, as it all came together.

He was a great, big, honking bee!

Oh, he was going to have Hermione's ass for this. He'd make her wear those charmed knickers he had come up with the twins when they were considering opening up an adult division. The ones' remotely controlled by his wand!

"Hmmm, Harry? Is this great big stinger for me?" asked Susan in a throaty voice as she bent over, placing the head of her penis in her mouth and wantonly sucking on him. "MMMM...I think I want some more of this honey Harrybee. What do you say?"

"Are you asking me to pollinate you Ms. Bones?" asked a now smiling Harry.

"Well, at the very least, you can tickle my pistils. Now, lemmee see what we can do with this stinger of yours?" purred Susan. With that, she took one last sloppy lick of Harry's cock and placed it between her breasts. She pressed her breasts together and began to slowly slide them up and down. Harry leaned his head back and groaned. He had to admit shagging Susan's titties was one of his favorite things.

There was just something so nice about being all surrounded by her soft, warm baps that made him a happy wizard.

"Harry? You want to stop standing there with your hands on your hips like some wannabe superhero? The girls are lonely and feeling neglected. Ahh, that's better. You know, now that I think about it, you'd make a pretty good superhero. You certainly could fill out the spandex. Now we just need a name. The Bee? giggle No no. I know, the Mage! Superwizard! Lightning Man? Ohhhh, I like that. MMMMMMM...." moaned Susan.

"Funny lady Sue. I think I got enough of the hero thing at Hogwarts. The only uniform I'll be wearing is an Auror's. Where the hell did you come up with those names? Super wizard? Really? What has you so excited about the name Lightning Man anyways?" asked Harry.

"Oh hush, you berk! I was only kidding about the superhero thing! I was moaning because of what you were doing to the girls. Keep that up, its heavenly!" said Susan. She definitely seemed to be enjoying the attention Harry was paying her, as she had sped up her motions, and was licking the crown of his dick as it came into range.

"OK. Well, I have to admit, if any of us were to end up in spandex, I would want it to be you. Although, Lightning Man does have a sort of nice ring to it. Ah, who am I kidding, Hermione would kill me. Of course, if you keep that up, she'll miss her chance." laughed Harry.

"MMMmmm, no worries Harry, Hermione would never do that. She's got plans for you. **giggle** Although, from what I saw of Marietta, you'd better hope the crone crew doesn't find out about them. They'd have you chained up, pumping out "Pottergene" and "Harrycox" treatments all day long. Probably shagging them all bow legged all night long to boot." laughed Susan.

Harry shivered.

"Merlin, Sue! I love watching you laugh. It gets your boobs jiggling like the clouds of heaven crossed with Jello. I could spend the rest of my life doing that. Now if I could just convince you to keep up what you were doing to me for the rest of your life, I'd die a happy wizard. Seriously though, how different would what the crones do to me be from what you lovely ladies are doing?" asked Harry.

"Well, for starters, you chose to come here silly. For another, I'll thank you very much not to compare me to Umbitch and Molly Weasley, Mr. Potter. I would think you'd be able to tell the difference between my girls and the toad and the cow!" huffed an annoyed Susan.

Harry shivered for a much less pleasant reason, and tried to burn that image out of his mind.

"Sorry Sue, you know I would never confuse you with those monsters. But between them, the Dursleys and the headbastard's treatment; I've had enough of being a prisoner and the mushroom treatment." grumbled Harry.

"Awww, I'm sorry Harry. I think we scared little Harry, don't worry, I'll make it up to him." cooed Susan, and she went back to lustily sucking on Harry's manhood.

Harry knew there was something going on, and he decided he would get it out of Susan with a little positive reinforcement. He kept one hand busy with a nipple, while he started running his other through her hair.

Susan always had a thing for him playing with her hair, and Harry was taking full advantage of it. He was starting to pinch her nipple harder, as she bobbed and jiggled along. It seemed the faster rhythm he pinched, the more excited Susan got. Now that he had her distracted...

"Alright Sue, what exactly is Hermione's plan? I thought the SPPEW thing was just a misprint, but it's all over the place, even on the banners. Once is a misprint, this many means something. While I'm at it, what the bloody hell is that scoreboard thing? It reminds me of something the twins and I saw in a casino we stayed at when we went to that aduhhh...industry convention in Las Vegas we went to back in January." questioned Harry. He was now pinching and tugging on Susan's engorged nipple, and had gathered her hair into a ponytail, and was gently pulling her hair in synchronization.

Susan's eyes got large, and she quickly began attempting to deep throat Harry. She was lustily slurping on his dick, and if she kept it up his crotch was going to spontaneously combust with the amount of friction she was generating with her breasts.

"MMMppph **slurp** Thhrry Hrry! **slobber** cnt tlk, **knobgobble** mah mths fll **slurpslurp** rht nw!" mumbled Susan, as she kicked her fellatio into overdrive.

Harry's eyes narrowed, he knew she was up to something, but his lower half, and most of his brain were telling him to shut the hell up and enjoy himself. "Dammit Sue, I know that she's up to something so why don't you just be a good girl and tell me what the hell is going on?" He looked down into her eyes, and she closed them and began swirling her tongue around the head of his cock. Dammit, if those girls weren't sharing secrets! They knew his weaknesses!

"Sus, Sue...suuuu...suuuu...su...Suuuweet baby Jeebus! I'm getting close Sue!" warned Harry, as all gentlemen should.

Susan reacted by pressing her breasts down the shaft, and nestling his balls into their soft, warm embrace. She began furiously stroking him, and Harry was worried she was going to suck his brains out of his head at the rate she was going. Not to mention the wings on his back were virtually invisible they were buzzing so fast, and he was feeling light headed.

"Oh gods! Here it comes Suzy!" groaned Harry. With a grunt, he felt his orgasm come on.

Susan's lips pulled off with a wet POP! and she aimed the spurts all over her heaving chest. She groaned as she rubbed her thighs together, enjoying the feel of her lover's seed splashing all the tops of her slick breasts. She leaned back and rubbed the fluid into her chest, laughing as she told Harry, "Ah, my favorite moisturizing cream!" She trailed a fingertip through and popped it into her mouth sucking it clean. "Mmmm, that's the bee's knees! That witch will win the Morganna Medal for this!" She wrapped a hand around Harry's cock and proceeded to give it a thorough tongue bath cleansing. She felt a tingling in her chest and she gave a sudden squeak.

"Oh Sweet Maeve! I'm coming!" squealed Susan. She shook her head and looked at Harry in wide eyed wonder. "I just...Unbelievable! So much easier...goodness!" grinned a heavy lidded Susan.

Harry blinked, waiting for all of his senses to come back on line and active. Realizing that Susan was standing he looked down and realized he had been floating the whole time, and she must be talking about the fact she didn't have to get on her knees. As he slowly floated down to the ground as the wings stopped frenetically buzzing, he remembered what he had been trying to ask! "Sue, come on now, help your old partner out, tell me what's going on with this..." asked Harry.

Susan was ignoring him poking at her breasts in wide eyed wonder, and hefting them as if surprised by them.

"Sue! Sue! Harry to Suzy! Are you there? You OK?" asked a now concerned Harry.

"My back doesn't hurt! Harry, my back doesn't hurt, and the girls feel like when I was 13 again! I gotta go Harry! I need to talk to Hermione! Thanks! Bye!" squealed Susan, as she ran out the door calling for Hermione.

"Hmmph! This is getting to be a disturbing trend. I'm going to get a bad reputation if this keeps up. What with all of the witches running out of the room, squealing and crying and whatnot!" grumbled Harry. He sighed, and headed out the door, stumbling as the wings shrunk back into the costume, throwing his balance off. The yellow stripes slowly shrank as they black grew, until he was once more dressed in a normal set of black dress robes. Thankfully, the jazzy buzzing song seemed to fade away as well.

As he left the room, he noticed almost all of the witches were clustered around Hermione and Susan, with the occasional witches head poking up and staring at Harry with a disturbingly hungry look. What the hell were they all up to over there? He shrugged, as a witch grabbed his arm and started dragging him off towards...

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Just a few notes: I am going for some humor in this particular chapter, and to avoid the whole UberSexGod thing. I am also trying to lay some more hints about SPPEW and the scoreboard without giving everything away. Did it come across to similar to the scene with Marietta? Too graphic or repetitive?

I highly recommend visiting the yahoo groups listed on my profile and taking a gander at the Lightning Man bits. Some of the funniest stuff I have read, and definitely one of the reasons for my delay in posting! :)

Also, any suggestions about better "Brit" versions of body parts and phrases? In particular, I am using Bloody hell waaaaay too much!

I have a 1/3 of the next chapter in the can, and will be throwing up the rest of my stuff from ficwad, now that I think I have the formatting thing at least better. :)


	5. A Giant Problem

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing!**"

Chapter 5 A Giant Problem

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He shrugged, as a witch grabbed his arm and started dragging him off towards a nearby doorway. He tried to maintain his balance but as he crossed the threshold of the door he fell flat on his arse.

"Oi! What's the bloody idea of making me fall on my arse? I've been pretty good natured about this whole thing, but I am more than a magic dildo!" ranted Harry as he tried to regain his footing. He rolled over and stood up, and came face to crotch with an enormous witch.

'Goddamnit Hermione! You are getting a paddling when I get my hands on your pert little arse! I get drunk that one time and Madame Maxime gets ahold of me, and now she can't get enough of me. Like it's my bloody fault that Hagrid took after the small side of his family where it really matters to witches! Merlin! I don't want to have to face Pomfrey again. I really doubt she will buy the whole shattered pelvis by rogue Bludger thing again.' thought Harry as he desperately tried to think of a tactful, well, any method of extracting himself from what he felt could rapidly become a train wreck. He had no desire to have an angry or crying, or heaven forbid, angry and crying giantess on his hands.

Harry looked around frantically, pleading that the infamous "Potter Luck" would bail his arse out of this one. All things considered, beating Voldemort was a mere footnote. The fact that he had ended up with his best friend, instead of the rabid ginger fan girl was a miracle. Throw in the tidbit about said best friend being a insatiable bisexual, who had attacked their sexual education with a intense and fanatical fervor that made her infamous study habits at Hogwarts seem like the effort a stoned Dudley would put forth to learn Advanced Thermal Dynamics?

Well, let's just say Harry thanked his father and mother for the lucky charm they had cast upon him when he was an infant. Sure, it took a little while to kick in, but the benefits outweighed the negatives by far.

As this all ran through his head, the intelligent part of Harry finally started to put things together. The intelligent part of Harry had always been there, nearly beaten into submission by the Dursley's, and smothered by the MoRon and his clan, but thankfully Hermione had been able to nurture it and bring it to the forefront of Harry's character.

It seemed that Hermione had learned that intelligence was actually what she was so in awe of when it came to authority figures. So when the intelligent and intuitive, analytical side of Harry had peeked out during their time in the tent? Hermione had once and for all written off Ronniekins and his pigheadedness and insecurities.

Along with her knickers, except for "special occasions".

So there poor Harry was, about to be mauled by a horny, insatiable giant cougar, when the intelligent part of him noticed a very important detail of his surroundings.

Everything was bigger than him! Not just the witch in the room, everything in the room was bigger! Which meant the witch was not a Giantess, but that he had shrunk! He took a calming breath, and looked closer at the witch who had forcefully drug him into the room.

She was wearing a formal dress pair of robes, but they did not seem to fit her. Almost like a young girl dressing in her mother's robes. She seemed irritated, uncomfortable, as she shifted her feet back and forth. Just as he was craning his neck up to look at her face, he heard a disturbingly familiar voice.

"Potty! Get to work, and undress me, or I'll have you ironing your ears!" hissed the voice of the widow, Pansy Malfoy!

'Oh Hell No!' thought Harry. 'There is no way on God's green earth I am shagging this skanky bitch!' Harry closed his eyes, and shook his head furiously, only to open them wide in shock. He felt his ears flapping back and forth, as they actually struck him about his bald head. He blinked furiously, as he took in the details of his costume. His skin had a pale, sickly green tint, and all he was wearing was such a filthy threadbare excuse for a pillowcase that any sane elf would have been ashamed to be seen in. More disturbingly, he could see his twig and berries hanging free, almost dragging the ground.

His first instinct was to run and throttle Hermione for suckering him into this whole thing.

Unfortunately for Harry, the costume seemed to have a mind of it's own. And it was that of a meek, eager to please house elf!

Harry felt bile rise in his throat, as he scurried over behind Pansy, and began to remove her dress. What at first glance had seemed a regal Lady's formal dress, upon closer inspection revealed more about the woman in front of him. It seemed the former Lady Malfoy had fallen on difficult times indeed. She was wearing a shabby rental costume from a store in Knockturn Alley that catered to hags. It covered a body that had never been amazing, but that had definitely gone to seed. Her skin was pockmarked, and covered in scabs and lesions. Pansy had contracted Dragon Pox at some point, along with who know what else.

"Come on Potty! Move your filthy arse and get me undressed so I can have my way with you! I'll show you what you've been missing sullying your line with mudbloods and dark creatures!" cackled the hideous woman. While she had always slightly resembled a dog or a pig with her pug nose, she now smelled like a diseased, wet mangy dog. It seems that the so called inner beauty truly fit the outside now.

Harry shivered, and thought he began to understand why Dobby had always been on about closing his head in the oven, and bashing his head against the walls. Harry knew he had to come up with something fast, or he would be looking to bathe in battery acid, and gargle bleach.

"Damnit Potty! You always dressed like a miserable house elf, so obey me like one, and do as I say! The costume makes you take on the characteristics of whatever I want, and I want a subservient elf to abuse! Bet you weren't expecting that one were you "hero"? Yes, it's amazing what you can find out when you are down in the seedier parts of Knockturn Alley, Potty! This party has been the talk of the witches' grapevine, it has. Too bad for you, I managed to get a mock up of the invitation for myself! Your old "friend" Mundungus really never forgave you for making him give back what he took from the Black Mansion. He was more than willing to negotiate out a fair trade for the ticket and this costume. When I am through with you Potty, your precious mudblood and all your friends won't want anything to do with you!" raved the unhinged witch, spitting and waving her arms about.

Harry knew he needed to stall, while he tried to figure out a way out of this situation. At least the crazy bitch was monologuing, so he had a few precious seconds to come up with a solution. What the hell was he going to do to get out of this one?

Harry knew that if he didn't come up with something quickly, he would definitely regret it. He realized he was wringing his hands and hopping from foot to foot like he was standing on hot coals. The panic he was feeling was alien, and totally out of character for him. He was the Man who Shagged, the Pureeer of Pureblood Ponces, and Victor over Voldemort! Why the hell was he so worried about some slag trying to shag him?

More importantly, why in the seven hells was he worried about making the mistress happy?

'It is Potty's job to make the mistress happy, or else he must be slamming his twiggses and berries in the ovens door!' thought Harry.

'What the FUCK was that! Where in the blue blazes did that crazy arse shit come from!' thought a severely panicking Harry Potter. Harry now knew that there was something seriously wrong, and that it seemed like the costume was actually having an effect on his thought processes, not just his outer appearance.

'Either that or all those dark curses had finally managed to scramble his brain like a 3 day old omelet.' said a small part of him, trying to either lighten the mood, or make him realize he was bat shit loco.

He'd have to toss a coin later to decide for sure.

"POTTY!" hissed Pansy Malfoy, snapping her glistening fingers in front of Harry's crooked nose. Between the loud snapping noise, and the horrid odor, Harry was quickly brought out of his mental short circuit. He quickly looked up from the gooey fingers in front of him, and suppressed a shiver and what felt like a little bit of bile rising at the back of her throat.

It appeared that while no longer a member of society's elite rich and spoiled, Pansy was still an impatient bitch. She had removed her fourth or fifth hand costume and was standing in all her knobby kneed, scabby glory. Harry felt his vision start to swim, while his stomach put in notice of an impending strike. He could feel more and more connections to sanity stretch, and almost snap...

...snap...SNAP!!!

'Bugge, eh, no wait, don't even think that one Harry. I look like an elf, I am thinking like a bloody elf, so act like a proper bloody elf, you great plonker!' laughed Harry to himself.

He smirked, and raised his left hand menacingly. He glared at Pansy and placed the tip of his middle finger against the pad of his thumb.

"Mistress Skanky Stinky flower shall not harm Harry Potter!" growled Harry, as he snapped his fingers loudly. He waited for Pansy to break down in tears, curse his name and flee in terror.

'Wait for it.'

'Anytime now.'

'Halllooo out there?!? Snappy fingers means no more playtoy for psycho lady!' thought Harry, as he got an ominous, hollow feeling in his stomach that reminded him of the first time riding the cart to his vault.

*snap*

*snap!*

***SNAPSNAPSNAPSNAP!!!***

'shit.'

"What's wrong little Potty? Is your big bad elf magic not working?" sneered Pansy as she circled Harry like some deranged cougar looking at a tasty snack.

Harry put both his hands in the air, and pushed back imaginary sleeves on both arms. He glared once more at Pansy before he frantically began snapping the fingers on both of his hands, in any matter he could think of.

While it was an impressive display of magic, and flowers appeared, the dirty costume disappeared, things went flying and dipping about the room, while every door or drawer opened and closed itself while their contents performed an intricate aerial ballet; nothing happened to Pansy.

Other than the skanky slag being reduced to tears as she laughed herself hoarse.

"What's wrong there Potty? Don't you realize you can't do anything to hurt me unless I give you clothes? Of course, the only article of clothing left that you haven't vanished are my knickers. So why don't you come over here and take them off with your teeth!' cackled the insane hag. "After all, you're the reason I only wore them once, it's all too fitting you have to remove them, since you killed my husband you bastard!"

Harry had the strong and sudden urge to retch, but was feeling compelled to move towards Pansy all the same. He was screaming in his mind, but merely hunched over, and proceeded to hobble over towards the diseased witch. He shook his head mentally, and thought to himself, 'I beat Voldemort and the inbred idiots, and I'm going to be done in by Skankzilla and her diseased arse. Wonder where the hell that was in the prophecy?'

"Come along now Potty! Time to earn your keep, you miserable bastard! You may have killed Draco, preventing me from having an heir, but I'll get your seed in me, and be able to claim both the Potter and

Black vaults as well now. You should have just left things as they were, but NO!" screamed Pansy as she paced back and forth, waving her arms wildly. Harry was forced to follow her, trying to fulfill her earlier command. "You and that damnable elf have to go play the heroes, and come to arrest Draco in the middle of our Honeymoon! He was so drunk, he couldn't even get it up, so I was left with nothing but a title! Miserable ponce tried to apparate away, leaving me to your mercies and left behind his upper torso. Hell, if he had at least left his lower half, I could have still had a child! Well, this will fix that right up, and I'll be the richest witch in the hemisphere! Maybe, I'll keep you around as my house elf if you do a good job tonight, Potty. Now get over here and make us a heir!" ranted Pansy.

He was able to at least slow his pace, but it was as dreadful as the time watching that cake slowly float over the heads of Uncle Vernon's guests when Dobby had been so intent on protecting him. If only Dobby were here right now! He had disappeared a few months ago, something about a new business venture dealing with cash that Hermione had suggested to him, and Harry had seen neither hide nor floppy ear of him since.

"Potty wishes friend Dobby elf was here to be savings his arse rights now." grumbled Harry under his breath.

***POP!***

Suddenly, Dobby appeared in the middle of the room, resplendent in a 70's plush crushed red velvet pimp suit, loaded with gold chains, and gold and diamond earrings weighting his ears down. He was wearing basilisk skin platform shoes, and had a extravagant hat on with what looked like two of Fawke's long tail feathers in it. In one hand, he was twirling Lucius Malfoy's Pimp Cane, and had the shrunken Goblet of Fire in his other. He turned, and smiled at Harry, who was nearly blinded by the diamonds and gold that adorned his teeth.

"Master Harry Potter calls for Dobby?" asked the madly grinning elf.

"Thank god you's is here, Dobby! Crazy Mistress Skanky Stinky Flower is wantsing to be knocksed upsed by Potty elf!" whined Harry.

Dobby stopped spinning the cane, and turned with a low, rumbling growl towards Pansy.

Pansy paled, which was impressive, as she already would make a vampire look tanned, and said only one word. "Bugger."

Dobby took a swig from the shrunken, flaming Goblet, and handed it to a befuddled Harry. "Holds this whiles Dobby is takesing cares of Dobby's business." growled the enraged elf. Harry took a look into the swirling, flaming liquid in the jeweled Goblet of Fire, and seriously considered taking a nice, long drink. It couldn't make the scene any odder after all. As he lifted the Goblet to his mouth he felt a sharp rap on his noggin, from the pimp cane in Dobby's hands.

"Bloody Hell Dobby! That hurt!" exclaimed Harry, rubbing his forehead, as he squinted in pain. 'Damn, that elf can really pack a whallop. I feel dizzy as hell, I think he gave me a concussion!' thought Harry. He swayed drunkenly, and when he opened his eyes upon hearing a loud thunk, blinked several times as his jaw dropped.

Harry had returned to natural form, and was once more wearing what appeared to be the default setting for the costume. He ran his hands over the dress robes, and proceeded to check to make sure he had hair, and that his ears were once again normal.

He sighed in relief, and then gasped, as his eyes came upon Pansy.

She was green, not from nausea, but from the fact that her skin was changing color, while she shrank down, and her ears elongated to points. She looked enraged, and was whimpering like a struck crup.

She was once again mercifully covered, now with a ratty tea towel, and was shaking her head. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she glared once more at Harry, grinning evilly as she rose her hand in the air, and started to snap her fingers. "Pansy be getting you, Harry Potter sir, and yours little elf too!" she cackled.

***POP!***

With a vicious backhand, Dobby had knocked Pansy across the room, and into the sooty fireplace.

"Holy shit Dobby! What was that!" asked a shocked Harry, although part of him had enjoyed seeing Pansy bitchslapped into next week, he had always had a problem with violence against women. He noticed Pansy stumbling out of the fireplace, covered in soot, and trying to get back to her feet.

"Sometimes, Dobby has to smack the bitches, Master Harry Potter sir!" explained a calm Dobby, examining the rings on his fingers.

"Bitches? As in more than one Dobby?" asked Harry.

"Oh yes, Master Harry Potters Grangy, she tolds Dobby elf how to deals with crazy bitches. They was too many, and Mistress Grangy was worried that they would hurts her Harry Potter! So Mistress Grangy told Dobby to takes care of them, so's Dobby did!" said the happy elf.

Harry groaned, "And how exactly did she do that Dobby?"

"Mistress Grangy made Dobby watch Dolemite, and tolds Dobby to start dealing with cassh!" replied the grinning elf.

"Cash?" asked Harry.

"C.A.S.S.H. Crazy Ass Sluts Stalking Harry." said Dobby with a smile.

"Merlin. I love that witch, but what the hell is the deal with her and acronyms?" groaned Harry. "And how are you supposed to do that Dobby?" asked Harry.

"Dobby is turning them into elves, Master Harry Potter sir. Then Dobby Elf puts the bitches to work!" grinned the elf.

Meanwhile, Pansy had grabbed the fireplace poker from the stand near the fireplace, and was about to brain Dobby with it. Harry saw her out of the corner of his eye, and started to warn Dobby.

Dobby merely arched an eyebrow, snarled and spun.

***POP!***

And Pansy went flying through the air, arse over teakettle, crashing into a couch and overturning it.

Harry winced, and asked "Dobby, do you have to hit her quite so hard?"

"Oh, Dobby is always having to punish bitches for something, sir. They lets Dobby gets on with it, sir. Sometimes they reminds me to do extra punishments, they do..." said the evilly grinning house elf.

"Huh. Well, certain witches I know seem to like getting spanked, so who am I to judge, Merlin knows I was getting excited about the thought of ironing my ears when I was stuck in elf form earlier." mused Harry.

"Dobby elf finds the crazier the bitch, the more she likes the smackses" nodded Dobby with a serious face.

"Fine then, so what happens to Pansy now?" asked Harry. "More importantly, just how many times have you done this?"

"Oh Dobby has a fine stable of bitches now. Dobby has Pansy, Trixies, Skeety, and Cissy elves. Dobby works them hard, and keeps them outs of troubles now." replied the elf.

"Hermione is ok with this? Are the bitches...err... elves paid or something?" asked Harry warily.

"Bitches is not paid, Master Harry Potter!" said the shocked house elf. "No, no, no. Dobby says to Bitches, Dobby says, go find yourself a nice family and earn me some money, Bitches! They is getting up to all sorts of high jinks, sir, what is unbecoming to a bitch. You goes racketing around like this, Bitches, Dobby says, and next thing Dobby hear you's up in front of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, like some common goblin."

Harry facepalmed.

"Well at least she's off freeing all the elves, now." smirked Harry. "Alright, well you take good care of the elves...bitches Dobby. I am going to go have words with a certain bushy haired witch."

Harry shook the elfs' hand, and handed him back his Pimp Goblet. He then straightened out his costume, and headed towards the door. Finding it locked, he growled, and placing his palms upon it, proceeded to transfigure the door into a sheet of paper, which he crumbled up and threw at Pansy.

Turning back around he saw a cluster of witches who all had their wands drawn, several of which were smoking, as he noticed the surrounding entrance was heavily charred and missing chunks of stone.

He raised an eyebrow, and suddenly had his arms full of crying, bushy haired witch.

"Oh Harry! Are you alright! I don't know what happened! You disappeared, the board started going haywire, and we couldn't get into the room. What did that whore do to you!" weeped Hermione.

Harry rolled his eyes, and proceeded to sooth the distraught witch. Obviously, she had not expected anything like this, and was terrified. "I'm fine, Hermione. Dobby saved me and added Pansy to his "Stable" I believe." whispered Harry, as he ran his hands through her hair,trying to calm her down. He still had plans for Hermione, but this experience was not something she had planned after all.

After a few moments, she sniffled, and straightened. She cast a cleaning charm on Harry's wet costume, and said "I need to find out what happened Harry, I want you to stay with someone I trust while I figure out how this occurred. Unless. Unless you want me to stop this." She looked into his eyes with her own watery chocolate brown ones, and Harry sighed.

"You promise this is for a good cause?" he asked warily.

"Absolutely! The most important cause ever Harry!" said Hermione, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Damnit, stop that! You know what it does to me you minx!" growled Harry.

"And you know what that growl does to me, Mister Potter!" purred Hermione.

"Fine, fine, throw me back in the briar patch Miss Hermione!" laughed Harry.

"Alright then!" laughed Hermione, as she nodded to someone over his shoulder.

Harry spun around and saw a vision.

Wearing laced up hiking boots with thick wool socks, a pair of wand holsters strapped to her thighs, a miniscule pair of khaki shorts, and a straining baby blue sleeveless top, stood Fleur Delacour, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail, and a pair of dark sunglasses perched on her adorable nose.

"Care for some 'omb Raiding, 'Arry?"

* * *

A/N- um. yeah. Don't ask me where the hell that all came from. Thanks to Keronshara for the help with the elf speak! And thanks to everyone else for the feedback. Next chapter should be much more fun and smutty. I figure I have to do something to make up for this one. :)

Let me know what you think, and if I should change anything or tone it down. Remember this is obviously a cracky! AU, so no comments about how anyone is dead or such!


	6. Harry Potter and the 'omb of DOOM!

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing!**"

If you haven't at least seen Raiders and The Last Crusade, get yourself to netflix and watch them now you heathen!

I shamelessly pulled quotes from the movies, games, and TV series. Great stuff, and it fits amazingly well.

* * *

Ch 6 Harry Potter and the 'omb of Doom

"Care for some 'omb Raiding, 'Arry?"

Harry shook his head in amusement, and headed in Fleur's direction. He noticed several of the witches huddled around Hermione and a Weasley Wizarding Whiteboard. There was a mess of arithmancy and runic squiggles that seemed to be fighting a pitched battle across the glossy surface. Daphne and Hermione were growing pale, while Luna was giggling uncontrollably.

"Maybe I should go and..." said Harry, as he started in his witches direction.

"Still wiz zhee 'zaving peeple' 'Arry?" laughed Fleur. "Come mon ami! I 'ave just ze ting to distract you." With that Fleur grabbed Harry by the top of his costume, and proceeded to lead him into the nearest room.

Harry was really getting sick and tired of about being led around like a little lost puppy.

Then he noticed Fleur's' bum.

In the sinfully tight, snug khaki shorts, that could easily qualify as underwear with pockets.

Suddenly, following Fleur around was perfectly alright.

Watching her bum made him think of two puffskeins wrestling under a blanket.

Frankly, he would be willing to follow that spectacular arse anywhere.

Including into oncoming traffic.

Happily.

Harry blinked as he felt the costume react to the room, and Fleur's costume.

He was slightly impressed that he reacted to her costume faster than the costume he was wearing. He didn't know if that meant the costume was wearing down, or that the witches had injected him with the magical form of Viagra.

Harry was so engrossed by the costume, that he failed to notice Fleur duck, and walked straight into a thick cluster of spiderwebs.

Harry sputtered, and proceeded to pull the dusty webbing out of his suddenly unshaven face and mouth. He reached up to his head, and found his hair was covered by a dusty, old brown fedora. He blinked, looking down to see he was wearing a old worn leather jacket, and a khaki shirt. As he ran his hands down the costume, he felt a coiled whip at his left side, along with a pouch.

He also felt a wand holster on his right side and relaxed somewhat, knowing that he could at least defend himself this time.

"Merlin, why is it a simple shag keeps getting so complex? I've got a bad feeling about this."

Fleur giggled, and chose this moment to comment on his costume.

"Well, well, well. 'Arry Potter. I always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door. You're not the 'leetle boy' I knew ten years ago." she laughed.

Harry shook his head ruefully, "It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage."

Fleur laughed again, while shaking her head. "Well, perhaps if it wasn't such a well traveled road, the mileage wouldn't be so bad. Of course, look at me! I still find your youthful power, so... intoxicating.

"You're making fun of me! Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf?" he asked, giving her a wary appraisal. "What makes you think I am so, 'well traveled' anyways?"

"Oh 'arry, we girls? We talk. About everything and anything. Some things need to be discussed frequently, in depth, and passionately. Of course, in your case use we all use lots of large hand gestures." she giggled.

"Pshhh! Be that as it may, from time to time I was able to explore things on my own, but... for the most part the 'Goddess of Knowledge' kept my nose stuck in a book." explained Harry.

"Oh really 'arry? From what I hear, she much preferred you keeping your nose stuck entirely somewhere else, mon ami!" snickered Fleur. She drew close to Harry, placing a well manicured finger on his nose and tapping it, before slowly tracing his smirking lips.

Harry fought off a slight blush. 'Fleur may not be able to use the Veela allure on me, but she still has her own effect.' Narrowing his eyes, he pointed to the costumes, and asked the question that had been running through his head since he took a face full of spiderweb.

"So why the costume Fleur? Last I heard, you were out of the curse breaker business." asked Harry, brushing the last remnants of webbing from his costume.

Fleur shook her head, "What can I say mon ami? I was just a young, innocent Veela when I saw the first movie. I couldn't stop thinking about how sexy Indy was. He was my first crush! Of course, I put all that aside once I got to school. Had to be a little Princess for daddy and all. But then that damn Triwizard came about. My ordered little world got blown to pieces." she said as she looked down with a darkening expression.

Harry frowned, "I'm sorry. I never meant you to have to deal with all of this, Fleur."

Fleur looked up with suspiciously bright eyes. "Non, mon ami! 'Arry, you saved my sister's life. I do not forget! Besides, I was but a foolish young girl myself looking back. All the excitement, and fear, tension and action? It seemed even better than the movies, and that is what drew me into being interested in cursebreaking, tomb raiding and working for Gringott's!" she huffed, pacing and waving her arms about. She had walked several feet away, and her shoulders slumped.

Fleur laughed bitterly, "I was such a silly little tart! I thought Bill was my real life Indy, but while he was impressive at curse breaking, and he filled out the dragon skin jacket alright, his 'ombraiding was 'orrible." She wiped her eyes, drying them before spinning around.

With a somewhat forced smile on her face, she pressed on. "Throw in the fact that the earring clashed with my outfits, and he was hiding a comb-over with that pony tail! We were doomed from the start 'arry."

"Fleur, don't play the little spoiled Princess act with me. We both know appearances weren't what broke you two up. After Bill was attacked, you were strong enough for the whole Weasley clan. You stood beside him, and gave him hope." Harry chastised. He hated seeing her blame herself for the problems in the relationship.

"Merlin 'arry! It was awful! The scars were not so bad! They actually made him look dashing! It was the 'air! All his hair seemed to be migrating from his head to that sad little pony tail and his back. What was really surprising was that since the werewolf attack his hair had gotten thinner on top and thicker everywhere else. The fact he no longer wanted to do anything but doggy style was bad enough, 'arry!" she laughed brokenly.

Harry thought back to the days after the war, when he had apprenticed under Bill for a while, catching up and learning what he had missed in his last year of Hogwarts. Harry had always learned best through action, over book learning, and he had truly blossomed under Bill's excellent tutelage. In just under a year, in some of the most dangerous crypts in the world, he and Bill had made sure there would be no more shades of recent Dark Lords popping up.

Harry had reveled in having an older brother as a role model. Once he had surpassed Bill's impressive skills however, things had soured. Bill had been able to hide it when he was on jobs, but things had gotten bad between Bill and Fleur. She had shown up one night in tears, with her robes smoking, and her hands bleeding, from digging her talon-like claws into them.

Fleur sighed, "When I found him in bed with Lavender Brown, I had wanted to destroy them both. The Fool! I didn't have a problem with sharing after all, but not being upfront was too much. I still cared for him, so rather than destroying them, I came to you to hide."

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. He had not known all the details, just that Fleur refused to talk to Bill for a week. She had begged him to keep Bill away, afraid of what she would do to him. Finally, Harry had been able to get the two to talk, after locking their wands away, and having Fleur wear a charmed necklace that she had worn when she first learned to control her rather...inflammatory temper.

"I'm sorry 'arry. I ruined one of the best friendships you had. All because I couldn't talk to the fool! He said you were a bum, and accused you of trying to steal me away." sniffled Fleur.

Harry laughed, "Aw, he's being generous."

Fleur shook her head, "Non 'arry! Even as angry as he was with us both, he said it. 'The most gifted bum he ever trained.' You know, he loved you like a brother... took a hell of a lot for you to alienate him."

Harry looked away, "No, not much... just you. Besides you know the Weasley traits. Don't find out the whole story, make assumptions, get mad, blow up, storm off, and come back later and apologize all half arsed. It's a tradition."

"Yes, well that may be. But he expected me to apologize for running out. When I confronted him, suddenly he gets all red faced and tried to blame it on me! Complained that I was making him look bad since I wasn't ready to have kids and Percy and the twins were already parents. We were raiding deadly 'ombs! What did he think I was going to do? Waddle down the cursed stairways? Plus, he kept talking about having a litter of kids!" she shouted.

Fleur knew the Veela magic was strong, but she had seen the old pictures of Molly. She went from a svelte redhead, to a bustling blowfish. Fleur had no desire to birth that many children.

"We tried working things out for awhile, I let him come back, and we agreed to try to conceive. Although, it seemed that while the wood of Bill's wand was still at least acceptable, the core had burnt out. He said it was my fault, and kept going further and further on expeditions. Finally, I had to ask myself: are we doing it for his glory, or for ours?"

Harry paused, remembering how Bill would leave for months at a time, only returning for the occasional birthday or holiday. He had thought they had worked things out, and Bill was just avoiding him out of typical Weasley pride.

Fleur growled as she remembered their last conversation. She saw the stories about Lady Lara Croft, and realized she could just as easily succeed without Bill. They were no longer a team, but she tried one last time. "I still remember our last conversation. I begged him not to go on the expedition, and told him to choose either the 'omb or me."

Fleur angrily wiped her eyes, "The bastard told me he wanted to do something important with his life and he just didn't have time for me right now. I told him if he left, he was making his choice."

She hiccuped once, letting out a broken sob. "Bastarde! 'e left! Then he never returned."

Harry shook his head in wonder, "He chose...poorly." looking up and down the stunning Veela.

Fleur giggled, remembering the infamous line. Finally, she shook her head, her hair falling back into place, as her eyes cleared thanks to her Veela magics. "Men are scum 'arry!"

Harry's eyes widened, as he pointed to himself, "All of them?"

Fleur laughed, "All of 'em!"

"Perhaps you're looking for perfection Fleur." he said, trying to console his longtime friend.

"Perfection? Mon dieu 'arry, I gave up on that a long time ago. I just need a good bottle of wine and my leetle friend now and again." she giggled.

"Leetle! I thought we were past that whole 'little' thing!" Harry grumped, crossing his arms.

Fleur blinked, before laughing and smacking Harry on the arm, "Non, non 'arry. My leetle friend, I keep in my bed stand. Maybe I can introduce you sometime later? In the meantime, follow me."

Once again, Harry happily followed the spectacular arse of Fleur, plotting on just how he would be "entering the breach" in the very near future. He remembered the days when Bill would come dragging in, bleary eyed, and exhausted from a long night of trying to keep up with the insatiable Veela.

Harry surreptitiously reached down to his sides, hoping that a whip and a wand were enough to tame the Veela.

Because either way he was in for an interesting experience.

* * *

Harry suppressed a gasp as Fleur wiggled her way out of the small tunnel they had been forced to crawl through, and entered a large, vaulted cavern filled with gold and jewelry to rival his combined vaults.

The room was nice enough, but ye gods, following that arse on his hands and knees through a cramped small tunnel was enough to give him sympathy for Bill's predilection for doggy style.

Once Harry stood up, he looked around, impressed in spite of knowing it was all an illusion, "Some date, huh?"

Fleur sniffed, "We're not dating 'Arrry; this is not a date, if it was a date, I would've stood you up! Now, we need to get ready to do the ritual. It has to be timed exactly right, and you must follow my directions exactly! Follow me, I expect you to prepare yourself to be ready!"

Harry was starting to get tired of being bossed around and growled at Fleur, "Wear your jewels to bed Princess?"

Fleur shivered before replying, "Yes... and nothing else. Shock you?"

Harry blinked, "Nothing shocks me. I'm an Auror. But I think maybe, I'll just stay over on my side of the tomb until you get to be a little less bossy! You know what your problem is, Princess? You're too used to getting your own way!"

Fleur's eyes flashed as she shook her fist at Harry, "And you're too proud to admit that you're crazy about me, 'Arry Potter!"

Harry narrowed his eyes at the Veela, "If you want me Fleur, you know where to find me!"

She laughed, "Five minutes Potter! You'll be in my arms in five minutes!"

"Ha! I've had a long night! I'll be asleep in five minutes!" shouted Harry.

_"_Five. You know it, and I know it, 'Arry." purred Fleur, before turning, and slowly prowling towards the altar, skinning off her tight blue top, and throwing it to the side. Harry, while trying not to stare, still confirmed his earlier suspicion that Fleur was not wearing a bra, and that it would be merely superfluous at any rate. He stared out of the corner of his eye as she paused, bending at the waist, before removing her boots and socks.

Harry nearly choked, when she pushed down the tiny beige shorts, that he had privately suspected of being painted on. She slowly stood, tracing the line of her oh, so long legs, before running her hands through her hair, and stretching languorously.

Harry surreptitiously attempted to do a quick drool check, not noticing Fleur's satisfied smile as she looked in a mirror on one of the piles of gold.

Surprisingly, Fleur _was_ wearing the most minuscule of powder blue thongs. As she untied the side ties, she saw Harry check his watch while trying to be inconspicuous. She smirked, and decided to stir the pot.

She turned to face Harry, and casually flicked her fragrant undergarment towards Harry, who was so stunned, his vaunted Seeker's reflexes failed to even notice the thong. He was instead staring dumbstruck at two of the most perfect breasts he ever had the pleasure of ogling.

Fleur's laughter broke the spell, as she said "Five minutes, mon amour, and the clock doesn't start until I am on the altar."

At that, she bent at the waist, lifting and framing her breasts with her arms as she blew Harry a kiss. She spun and jumped on the slightly sloping gold altar with a giggle, leaving Harry with a thong hanging from his hat.

Harry sat there for what seemed an eternity, before dazedly reaching up to remove the thong. He lifted it to his nose, and took a deep sniff. He looked down at his watch, before growling and realizing only a minute had passed. He flopped back on the pile of gold, mumbling under his breath, while plotting his revenge on Hermione, Daphne, and all the other horny little witches who kept trying to drive him crazy.

He heard a low buzzing start, followed by a long, throaty moan, and cursed his stubborn nature. His enhanced senses let him pick up the fragrance of aroused Veela, and a faint liquid squelching, that seemed to be picking up in pace.

Harry started pacing, grumbling as he refused to even look in Fleur's direction, as he heard her start moaning "Mon dieu! Mmmmmmmmh!"

Harry cursed and walked towards the tunnel. He had his upper body in the entrance when he heard her cry out, "Ohhhhh leeeetle boy!"

He jumped, banging his head on the ceiling of the tunnel. His eyes widened, before narrowing. He backed out of the tunnel and petulantly flopped into the nearest pile of gold, and put his muddy, dusty boots on a portrait leaving a boot print on it, crossing his arms in frustration.

That it made his watch that much easier to see was merely a coincidence.

'Did the blasted thing stop working again, like after that damned tournament?" groused Harry to himself.

Harry started humming the theme to Hogwarts school song trying to drown out the increased volume of Fleur's moans and yells.

The portrait complaining about the muddy boot print, and him being a stubborn moron did not help either.

'Only a few more seconds... oh FUCK this! He was going to show that teasing little nympho of a Veela just how grown up the bloody "leetle boy" had become!' thought Harry angrily.

Harry stood up angrily brushing himself off, and stormed towards the altar. As he rounded the mound of gold he had positioned as a screening device, he stopped in wide eyed wonder. Fleur was incandescent, gleaming with the glow of a fresh orgasm, and glistening with sweat. Her entire body was arched, with only her curled toes and her head touching the altar. He stood in amazement, watching her body vibrate like a taught bowstring. Strands of her hair were floating loose from her ponytail, and he saw small flames licking at her body, as her hands left trails of fire as she traced her own curves. One hand was still clawing at her firm nipple, while another waged a losing battle trying to control the furiously thrusting charmed emerald dildo between her legs. Harry stood for a moment in awe, seeing Fleur's petite flower, being ravaged by the dildo, topped by the delicate soft white downy patch he had the uncontrollable urge to run his fingers through.

Harry shook himself, seeing Fleur start to sink back down to the altar, shuddering in aftershocks, as she happily cooed. He tore his jacket off and discarded the small pouch, ripping the buttons off his shirt as the threw it over his shoulder. He growled, as he unbuckled his trousers intent on showing Fleur just what the "leetle boy" was made of. He was pushing his pants down around his ankles, and had just put his hand to the hat, ready to discard it as well, fully planning on devouring the Veela tease, when he heard her throaty voice.

"mmmm, Non 'arry! Leave the hat!" she cooed, as she circled both of her nipples with perfectly manicured nails. Laughing at Harry's smirk, she suddenly tilted her head to the side for a moment.

"Perhaps you should keep the whip close by as well, eh mon amour?" she said with a wicked grin. "After all, I have been such a naughty Veela, teasing you so."

"Harlot! I'll show you teasing!" laughed Harry, tossing the whip onto the altar, before leaping on top of the witch and claiming her mouth in a fierce kiss wearing boxers and a fedora.

She nipped at his tongue, wrapping her long legs around his hips, as her flaming hands stroked up and down Harry's back. Harry savored the heat and warmth of the flames, as they actually eased the tension from his back. Luckily, while an Angry!Veela fireball was quite dangerous, a Horny!Veela flame was like an overpowered overpowered Bluebell flame charm. Casting light and warmth, but much less of the destruction and charring one expected with Veela fire. Harry was quite enjoying the way the magical flames licked at his body, warming his body, and increasing his lust. It was almost a cleansing feeling, as if all of his exhaustion and weariness were being burned away like dross from gold.

Harry suddenly winced. Fleur was trying to grind her crotch into Harry's, which was quite nice, the downy softness of her white...'Goddammit! What the Bloody Hell keeps poking me!'

Harry growled, shifting his weight, as he reached down with his right hand to firmly grasp Fleur's hip. He forcefully separated her from grinding on his torso, and put her ass back in the small indention on the golden altar. She growled and tried to dig her claw like fingers into his back, as she tried to pull him back closer with her legs. Ignoring her growls and increasingly strong nips at his neck and shoulder, he slid his hand across Fleur's undulating hip, to her steaming center.

Suddenly, he came across the poking problem.

Fleur still had the damn dildo in her, sliding in and out!

He laughed, grasping it, before trying to slide it out of the now whimpering witch.

Unfortunately, neither the witch, nor her toy wanted to cooperate. Shrugging, and deciding not to fight it, he began sliding down Fleurs' body, kissing his way down to her flushed nipples. Resting his weight on his left elbow, he began massaging her breast with his left hand. Then gently biting around the areola on her other breast, before laving the nipple with slow strokes with the flat of his tongue. Using the bulk of his body to firmly pin Fleur to the altar, he started running a small tendril of his magic through the dildo, giving him more control over the charmed item. The low groan from Fleur also gave vocal testament to the side effect of his technique. Caressing her g-spot with the tip of the toy was powerful enough, but adding the current of Harry's magic flowing through it was enough to gain her total and undivided attention.

Fleur was seeing stars, this was like nothing she had felt before, so intense she could hardly put words to it. It was so erotic and sexy, but being pinned and unable to move was exquisite torture. The tingling from her toy was driving her insane! She could only compare it to being on the losing end of a savage tickle war, where she wanted to jerk about and pull free, but didn't want to stop the wonderful feelings coursing through her body. Suddenly, she stopped in a panic. She felt as if she were about to wet herself! She flushed heavily, remembering the humiliation as a small child where she had wet herself during a playdate with some of her girlfriends.

"Unhh! Harr! Unnmmm! Harrreee! Stuhh! Stuhhooo! Stop!" she gasped, desperately trying to reach between their bodies, and grasp the dildo. She managed to touch it for a moment, before Harry's arm brushed her hand away.

She knew she had to stop him, or she would be mortified. What was Harry doing to her, she could barely breathe, and her entire body seemed to be humming. It reminded her of the feeling in her hands just before they would burst into flames, but was instead coming in waves that rushed through her body. She shuddered again, feeling the energies course through her body, to her furthest extremities, before rushing back to her throbbing center. She began to desperately try and buck to get Harry off of her, panicking as the waves increased in frequency to the point where they seemed to crash into each other, setting off explosions across all of her erogenous zones. Trying to twist free, or at least pull her legs together to prevent her embarrassment, she was once more rebuffed by Harry's strong arms and legs.

She felt him chuckle, as he nipped once more at her breasts before sliding further down her body, leaving a trail of kisses and firm nips to her torso. The arousal battled savagely with the panic of what she feared was about to happen. She could feel her nails elongating into sharp talons, as her eyes twisted into a more avian form on her face. She was losing control of her powers, and she truly began to fear for Harry's sanity. She knew he had been able to resist her allure, but with the way her body was reacting, she knew her allure would fry a herd of men's synapses like gnats struck by a pest-zapping charm. Poor Harry was risking an aneurysm if he kept this delicious torment up. Just as she managed to lift her head up to look at him, she saw him look directly into her eyes.

What the hell was he thinking? He had the biggest smirk on his face she had ever seen!

She was sprouting feathers and he seemed happy about it?

Harry suddenly slipped his left arm under her leg, wrapping it around and placing his left hand at the base of her mound. He gently twisted the dildo so that his right palm was facing up, and gently pulled the dildo almost all the way out. She let out a relieved sigh, relaxing her taut body for just a moment. "Oh goodness, 'arry! Thank you so much, I was about to lose control, and could not be held responsible for my actions!" panted Fleur, trying to regain her breath and calm herself.

'Why did Harry's grin just get even bigger?' a small part of Fleur's mind asked in a meek voice.

"Don't thank me yet Fleur. I'm just getting started." he laughed.

Fleur's eyes dilated fully, as she suddenly realized this was the smile Hermione and the rest of the girls had warned her about. She had merely tut-tutted them, laughing.

After all, she was Veela, and no man could...

Harry struck without mercy or pity. He knew he literally had Fleur in the palm of his quite wet hand. In a cunning attack, he gently but firmly pulled the skin of Fleurs' woman hood up, exposing her throbbing clit to the heated air, latching on to it with his teeth to gently hold it in place. He slid the now throbbing dildo home, focusing it directly on her g spot, sending strong pulses of magic to the tip. Harry began to rapidly flick his wet tongue at her trapped clit, as her thighs clamped down on his head. He channeled even more magic through the tip of his tongue, while visualizing a snake, triggering his Parseltongue talent. Harry felt her arch and begin to convulse almost uncontrollably, and added the final touch, sliding his soaked middle finger into her rectum and alternating the pulsing magic into her arse. The heels that had been pounding his back vanished, as her legs went straight out, the toes clenching uncontrollably. Her animalistic howls echoed throughout the chamber, as she vocally expressed her feelings.

Fleur had slammed her hands flat onto the altar, and could feel her nails gouging the golden surface. She couldn't speak, couldn't think, couldn't control herself! She felt her body buck and suddenly she reached down to pull Harry up, closer, away, something! ANYTHING! Her hands dug into the old fedora, and that small infernal voice asked an odd question.

'Why won't his hat come off?' it thought at her.

Finally, all of the stimuli was too much, and she lost focus and control over her body. She felt a hot flush all over her body, and felt a burn in her crotch as something sprayed out of her. She didn't black out, but couldn't exactly see for a moment. She felt empty, and horribly embarrassed.

She had just peed on Harry Potter!

How would she ever live this down? She placed one hand over her eyes, blinking back tears.

"Fleur? Are you alright?" asked the gentle voice of Harry.

Fleur sniffled, waving at Harry with her free hand. "I am zo zorry 'arry! I have never done that before! Mon Dieu! I cannot believe I...I...'perdu le contrôle de ma vessie' like that! I am sooo embarrassed 'arry."

"Um, Fleur? Pretty sure what you think happened didn't happen. Why don't you take a look before you jump to any conclusions?" said Harry.

Fleur shook her head, sniffling once more. Finally, she raised up on an elbow, sighed and peeked through her fingers.

Harry had quite the cat who ate the canary look on his face.

Complete with small downy, white feathers sticking out of his mouth.

He did not seem upset, rather quite pleased. Then she noticed the blue flames licking at his face and chest. He was covered in blue flames! More importantly the flames were not charring his skin and flash-frying him! They almost seemed to be caressing him. She felt her jaw drop, and merely stuttered for a few moments.

"Pretty sure that this isn't what you are thinking it was. Well, unless you picked up a nasty STD from a troll I know. Haven't been shagging any trolls lately have you?" laughed Harry.

Fleur growled, swatting Harry on the chest. Then watched in amazement as the flames wrapped around her fingers. She rubbed her fingertips together, marveling at the almost frictionless liquid that still was burning with an intoxicating warmth. She shivered at the feelings it evoked, feeling her nipples crinkle, and her womanhood gush even more. Curious, she licked her index finger, reveling in the burst of cinnamon and spicy taste.

"Yeah, I noticed the effect too. Quite the aphrodisiac isn't it?" said Harry.

"MMMMmmmm, yes indeed 'arry! Even better than my little friend gives me." she cooed, fluttering her eyes at Harry. She noticed he suddenly looked somewhat nervous. He ran his fingers through his hair, and started rubbing the back of his neck. Why did he look so guilty?

"Um. Yeah. About that. Y'see. Well." stalled Harry.

"Spit it out Harry, what's wrong?" asked a now worried Fleur. Had she hurt him, or cut him with her talons?

Harry blushed and twisted to the side, sitting on the altar, before pointing to the pile of treasure behind him. She followed the line to a flaming puddle of green goo slowly sliding down the pile, that only vaguely resembled her favorite toy.

Fleur leapt to her feet, shoving Harry off the altar, and rushed to the sad little puddle. "No! My leetle boy! What have I done!" she sobbed piteously, as she tried to scoop it up and extinguish the flames that had melted it.

Harry was climbing to his feet and looked quite apologetic. "Um, yeah, it sort of caught fire and shot out of you, I managed to dodge it, but still caught a chest and face full of, um... well, this. Seems like latex doesn't really respond well to, well, you I guess. I'm really sorry about..."

"Wait. Did you say leetle boy? You mean? That? That's "leetle boy? I thought you were still poking fun at me? Why the hell did you name that thing? Hold on just a damned second! I thought that thing looked familiar. Where the hell did you get that thing? Fleur! Merlin's hairy arse! Where did you get that damned thing!" asked a now brilliantly blushing Harry.

Meanwhile, Fleur had managed to extinguish the flaming dildo, and was cradling the cooled lump of vaguely penis shaped latex to her chest like a fallen soldier. "Oh Harry, this has gotten me through many lonely nights, and frustrated times. It was something 'ermione gave me after I finally kicked Bill out and changed the wards, she said she had something better, and that it would help me get ready to move in." sighed Fleur.

"First off, I think you mean move on, but whatever. If you got it from Hermione, where the hell did she come up with that?" asked Harry.

"Well, she said while she was waiting for you to get your head out of your arse and ask her out, she decided she wasn't going to settle. So one of the times you were in the hospital wing, she was working as a candy stripper, and made a magical copy of you. She used it for quite a while, and then when you two finally got together, she pretty much retired 'im." explained Fleur.

"I'll 'ave you know that this dildo did more for the light side than Dumbledore ever did!" said a fierce Fleur.

"Heaven knows how dark a witch 'ermione would have become if she wasn't having an orgasm every once in a while to keep her sane. You certainly weren't helping things there for a while either! But alors, 'e has gone on to a better place. Such a shame, never have I known a finer toy. Gabrielle will be crushed!" said a teary eyed Fleur.

"Uh. Right. Um. Fleur? First off, kinda creepy there and wrong on so many levels. Second, not sure I want to hear about Gabby and her plans for little me." said Harry.

"Leetle you? Oh 'arry. You should be proud, Bill or any of my other lovers matched up to my dear leetle boy." laughed Fleur.

"No. Little is right, if I remember right, that was from sometime before fifth year. Let's just say I hit a bit of a growth spurt over the summer." said a blushing Harry.

"Non 'arry! es impossible!" she said as her eyes widened.

Harry smirked, before pushing his boxers down and freeing his "trouser basilisk" as the girls called it affectionately.

"Mon Dieu! That greedy little hussy! No wonder she gave up the old version! She probably didn't even feel it any more! I have been settling for this pitiful little piece of plastic all this time when I could have had that!" she hissed, pointing, with a lustful gleam in her eyes.

Harry had the distinct feeling that a certain Veela was about to regress to her more avian instincts and try and gobble a worm. He started to back away, somewhat concerned with the way Fleur kept tilting her head back and forth, and the way she kept clicking her talon like nails. "Um. Fleur? Are you OK?" asked Harry.

"Oh, I am about to be on top of the ball, 'arry." cooed Fleur as she tossed the cooled lump of misshapen latex over her shoulder.

Harry had kept backing up, and was now pressed into the altar. He tried to look for an escape route, but realized he was literally trapped. Fleur was watching him entirely too much like a ravenous hawk.

Fleur dropped to her knees, cooing at the truly impressive cock in front of her. "Oh, we are going to make beautiful times together!" With that she gave the tip a gentle peck, before stroking him while trying to fit as much of his cock in her mouth as she could.

Harry merely smiled, enjoying the warm flames licking at both of their bodies, and the way Fleurs' breasts were sliding across his legs. Fleur raised up off of his tip, sliding her breasts up and around Harry's cock, and Harry shuddered at the amazing feeling. She stood, giving him a kiss, before hopping on to the altar with a giggle.

Harry smiled at the joy on Fleur's face, before looking quizzically at her. "Shouldn't you turn around? This side is the higher side, won't all the blood rush to your head this way?"

"Non 'arry. I am just how the ritual is supposed to be. Trust me, 'arry, I am a Veela, I know what I am doing 'ere. Now get up here with me and show me what I have been missing!" laughed Fleur.

Harry shrugged, it was no worry for him. He was pretty sure he had no worries about blood leaving the bottom head and going to the top one any time in the near future. He climbed on top of Fleur, and began stroking her entrance with just the tip of his penis. Between her wetness, his precum, and the still burning flames, she was more than ready. He considered teasing her a bit more, just to prove a point, when he felt her legs wrap around his hips and fiercely pull him closer.

"Enough titillation 'arry! I am more than ready. Fuck me hard and fast, I need you!" she growled, as she grabbed him by the hat and pulled him into a scorching kiss.

Harry was more than happy to oblige, and proceeded to place his hands on the altar at either side to her and slid home surprisingly easy. He would have to get Hermione to research the fluid from Fleur, as it had some very interesting properties. He was going at full speed, and he could tell Fleur was shocked as well. She was still extremely tight, but the flaming fluid from earlier was acting as some sort of super lubricant.

Fleur was lifting herself off the altar, driving her hips back at Harry while moaning lustily. She couldn't get enough of Harry's amazing manhood! She fully expected to be walking bowlegged tomorrow, and was more than willing to suffer later, for the amazing feelings she was having now. Between the teasing, her play with the toy, the amazing foreplay, and the aphrodisiac nature of her own ejaculate, she was literally in a multi orgasmic state within a few moments. She was amazed at how quickly she was tiring, normally she could go for what seemed like days, but the intensity was simply overwhelming! She was rapidly getting to the point where she was simply trying to hold on long enough for Harry to cum.

Panting, she reached up, pinching his nipples, while biting where his neck joined his shoulder, smiling when she felt him tense. She groaned around his neck, licking at the mark she had left on him. With on final desperate effort, she tightly pulled him into her with her legs and arms, and used her inner muscles to clamp down on Harry and literally milk his amazing manhood.

Harry groaned, letting himself go, emptying himself into his partner, giving her what she obviously wanted. He collapsed on top of her, trying to catch his breath as she gave him gentle kisses on his neck, lazily stroking his back as she happily cooed in his ear.

"Merci 'arry! Merci! I don't know how Hermione manages that on a regular basis. I see now why she is so intent on burying you in witches!" she laughed, running her nails in circles on his back.

"Hah! I think she likes having all the witches around more than I do to be honest. She is more predatory then you looked earlier, quite frankly. Sometimes I think she just keeps me around as a dildo with legs." he said somewhat ruefully.

"Non 'arry. Never doubt Hermione. She is totally devoted to you and your happiness together. She will do whatever it takes to ensure that. Never doubt that." said Fleur, totally serious suddenly.

Harry rubbed the back of his head, somewhat uncomfortable at the sudden shift in the conversation. He didn't doubt Hermione, not really. Although there were times he agreed with the scary tag. "I know Fleur. Hermione has always been there for me. No matter what, she has stood by my side. I have to admit though, being under me or on top of me is quite enjoyable too!" laughed Harry.

"You are 'orrible 'arry!" laughed Fleur, smacking him on the chest.

"Hey what happened here? I don't recognize these runes." asked Harry, pointing at the scoring on the altar.

Fleur looked down at the deep gouges in the altar, from where she had frantically clawed at the surface when Harry had ravished her earlier. She blushed spectacularly. "Um, traction runes I believe? To keep the witches from sliding off the altar during the ceremony, perhaps?" dissembled Fleur, reminding herself to make Harry wear a basilisk hide vest the next time they were intimate. Hermione would never forgive her, or share again for that matter, if she shredded his back like she had the altar.

"Huh. I don't remember ever seeing that rune before. What exactly was this ritual for anyways, I mean , you never really explained before. Maybe we should get a rubbing of the rune, I am sure Hermione would be interested in seeing it." said Harry, tracing a finger over the gouges.

"Non non 'arry. No need for that. The ritual was just something to 'enhance' the act and make it more powerful. Hermione knows all about it, it's something they cover with all the witches in school." explained Fleur.

"Hmm. Not sure if I should feel insulted you needed that, or flattered you wanted to do that with me." said Harry, absently rubbing the mark where Fleur had bitten him earlier.

"Oh, trust me 'arry, it is not something a witch will do with just any wizard. You should definitely feel flattered." smiled Fleur.

"Well, at any rate, it definitely seemed to make you much more intense. You were amazing there. I suppose we should start heading back, hopefully Hermione has things figured out by now." said Harry, as he climbed off the altar and began gathering their clothes.

Fleur smiled once more, as they searched for their clothes. She found her blue thong, and handed it to Harry, laughing, "Keep this 'arry. You more than earned it!"

"Thanks Fleur. Um. Fleur. How long does it take for this to, well, burn out?" asked Harry, gesturing at the blue flames that still were licking at his body. "I am kind of scared to get dressed, Hermione will kill me if I burn up her costume." he said with a rueful grin.

Fleur blinked. She had never had this experience before, so she really didn't know what to do either. Suddenly she reached down grabbing her wand from it's holster. "Aguamenti!" shouted Fleur, dousing Harry with a strong stream of ice cold water, before directing the gentle remnants of the spell at herself to put out the flames on her. She quickly got dressed, laughing at the curses coming from Harry.

"Oh, I will get you for that you evil harpy!" hissed Harry, laughing as he pulled on his clothes.

"*gasp* 'Arry James Potter! 'ow dare yo u talk about my aunt like that!"laughed Fleur.

Suddenly, there was a large gong, that echoed throughout the chamber.

Harry arched an eyebrow at Fleur. "Was that part of the ceremony, or is that Hermione's version of a doorbell, telling us to get our arses back out there?" laughed Harry.

Fleur smiled, "It appears 'ermione was right, and she worked things out as she 'ad hoped. I didn't think it would be so quick, and it seems the room is very accurate after all."

"What do you mean Fleur? What is accurate about this room?" asked a perplexed Harry.

Just as Fleur was about to answer, a large panel opened suddenly on the wall and there was a loud rumbling. Piles of gold began to slide about as the entire room seemed to shake. Small rocks began to fall from the ceiling as Fleur's eyes grew wide.

"Mon dieu! Are you dressed 'arry? We need to leave now! It is time to go toute de suite!" hissed Fleur, as she tied her boots frantically. She stood quickly, grabbing the whip and pouch, thrusting it into Harry's arms. "We must be away!" she yelled, grabbing his arm, dragging him towards the tunnel.

Harry laughed, shaking his head. "Come on Fleur. What is going on?" he asked, following behind Fleur as she scrambled over the shifting piles of treasure towards the tunnel they had entered from.

The rumbling and shaking was getting louder now, and larger pieces of the ceiling and rock were falling. Just before they could get into the tunnel, a boulder came crashing down, knocking a huge pile of gold over, blocking the tunnel.

"Merde! Ze gold, eet is magic resistante, we will not be able to move it in time." hissed a panicking Fleur.

Harry blinked. Fleur was actually nervous, this wasn't a game, she was actually nervous! Suddenly the floor shifted as panels in the floor tilted dropping the treasure into spiked pits below them. Harry grabbed Fleur, pulling her close as the panel they were on moved. He quickly uncoiled the whip, using it to attach to one of the flickering torches and swing across to a central column of stones that ran from one of the room to the other, with the altar at the center.

"What the hell is going on Fleur? What the hell kind of ritual did we just set off?" asked Harry, as he quickly surveyed the room, noticing several runes lighting up, that he was not happy to see glowing. The sphinx excrement was about to severly impede the air circulation systems as Bill has frequently said when things had gone exceedingly bad. He noticed the arch at the other end of the narrow stone walkway, but it was closed, and did not seem like an easy exit. How the hell was he going to get out of this crazy room. More importantly, those charmed panties were not even enough for what he was going to do to Hermione once he was out of here. Harry was so distracted he only caught snippets of what Fleur was saying.

"Rumors and legend said this was a room for the queen to make an offering to the gods in...*_**RUMMMBLE**_*...ish and all of her servants would be killed! I had no idea that it would wo...*_**KRACKLE**_* but it seems that between you and Hermione's magic that _**BOOOM!**_ Merde! Run 'arry! Run! REDUCTO!" shouted Fleur, casting the spell at the doorway, blasting it open, as a giant boulder fell from the opening, rolling entirely too fast, and demolishing the altar in the center of the room as it rolled towards them, picking up speed.

Harry ignored Fleur tugging at his arm for a moment, turning to face the boulder, casting a silent Reducto of his own to destroy it. He blinked as the stone seemed to merely absorb the energy, glowing as it picked up speed, flattening the remaining piles of gold on the path.

"Fuck. Run Fleur! Run!" he cursed, quickly passing the astonished Veela, dragging her through the arch as it picked up speed. They dashed down the hallway, barely keeping ahead of the boulder that was destroying everything in it's path.

Finally, they came to another arch, they ran through, and stopped at the very edge, nearly falling into the chasm that separated them from the other side. Harry grabbed Fleur again, kissing her as he lashed out with the whip and swung them across. Landing on the other side they relaxed, knowing that they were safe.

Until the boulder came soaring across the chasm like some insane bludger on steroids!

Harry pushed Fleur to the side of the arch, falling back on the other side, watching in awe as the boulder flew between them into the next room. It crashed through the door on the opposite wall, causing many a witch to scream in fear for their life. Amazingly, it disappeared a few feet away from the door, causing one witch to literally faint.

Harry and Fleur looked at each other in shock, before looking back into the room as part of the door fell down from the top of the frame. They started laughing uncontrollably, as another witch shrieked in terror at the crashing noise.

"You take me to the nicest places Fleur!" laughed Harry, casting a drying charm on her, after a few moments hesitation and blatant appreciation.

Fleur giggled, feeling the warmth of Harry's magic caress her and clean her. "Oh 'Arry, I will take you to heaven as often as you want once this night is over, I assure you! Now let us rejoin the rest of the group, I am sure there are many other witches waiting for 'arry time!" With that, she grabbed the sides of Harry's jacket and pulled him close, before kissing him passionately. As she explored Harry's lips, she ground her barely covered crotch against his wantonly.

Harry growled around Fleur's tongue, before pulling back slightly and smacking her on the arse. "Minx! Always trying to distract me!" he laughed.

"MMMmmm, perhaps I should bounce up and down to 'elp distract you, mon amour?" purred Fleur.

"Aha! I knew Hermione was telling you all my weaknesses!" crowed Harry, pointing at Fleur in triumph as they walked out of the wreckage of the doorway to a crowd of stunned witches.

"Oh, 'arry, your witches' share much more than your weaknesses, we deeply discuss your strengths as well. At length, and in great depth." smirked Fleur.

"Yes, well, I am going to have words with all of you, once this night is over, trust me on that!" he laughed.

"Harry James Potter! Honestly! I can't leave you alone for half an hour without you destroying my hard work or causing problems, can I!" yelled Hermione, surveying the damage.

Harry smirked at her. "It was Fleur's fault!" pointing at the sputtering, indignant Veela.

Harry laughed, encircling Hermione, and pulling her close before kissing her soundly. "You look adorable with that marker smudge on your nose by the way." he whispered in her ear, laughing at her squeak of protest as she rubbed furiously at her nose with the sleeve of her robe.

He turned towards the witches, smiling as he figured things couldn't get crazier than the last episode, as he dusted off his costume, pleased to see it had returned to it's original state.

Surveying the witches, he smirked. "Next?"

* * *

A/N: Hmmm. Fleur was quite the greedy minx, and refused to just settle for a quick shag. She has been demanding her own story, and who am I to say no. It will be a crossover, and should be quite interesting I think at least.

In the meantime, I will try and finish this thing out. There are still many witches to come, and more of the plot is starting to be laid out, if you can ignore all the smut. Well, actually, some of it is the smut. :)

"perdu le contrôle de ma vessie"= I lost control of my bladder according to Google translate.

Thanks for all the favorites, alerts, and feedback.

Let me know what you think, thanks!


	7. Green Holly and Silver Bells

A/N: Trying to get this out. Had meant to get it out and updated quite some time ago.

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing!**"

* * *

"Harry James Potter! Honestly! I can't leave you alone for half an hour without you destroying my hard work or causing problems, can I!" yelled Hermione, surveying the damage. Harry smirked at her. "It was Fleur's fault!" pointing at the sputtering, indignant Veela.

Harry laughed, encircling Hermione, and pulling her close before  
kissing her soundly. "You look adorable with that marker smudge on  
your nose by the way." he whispered in her ear, laughing at her squeak  
of protest as she rubbed furiously at her nose with the sleeve of her  
robe.

He turned towards the witches, smiling as he figured things couldn't  
get crazier than the last episode. As he dusted off his costume, he  
was rather pleased to see it had returned to it's original state.

Although, he would miss that snazzy hat.

Surveying the witches, he smirked. "Next?"

He looked around the room, somewhat disappointed that the large  
cluster of witches seemed a little hesitant to come forward. One  
little out of control boulder nearly crushes someone, and suddenly  
nobody wants to play anymore.

Sad, really.

Just as he was about to make an arbitrary choice, he noticed a tall  
witch wearing a dark red hooded robe with fur trim gracefully come  
forward, parting the crowd. She came to the front of the group before  
curtsying, and extending her gloved hand. "I'm willing to try Mr.  
Potter." purred the mysterious witch. Harry looked closely, being  
somewhat gun shy after the experience with Pansy earlier. He couldn't  
really make out the witches' face, but the voice and curves under the  
robe seemed appealing enough. He had a sneaking suspicion who it was,  
and was more than willing to go along for the ride. Or to be ridden  
for that matter. Whatever was in that bracelet of Daph's was acting  
like an overdose of magical Viagra. He felt like he could shag for  
hours, and it seemed to be taking up most of his thought processes.  
It almost reminded him of the time Hermione had experimented with the  
Polyjuice potion again. Hermione in heat was quite enjoyable, but the  
scratches made sleeping on his back difficult for a while.

Harry shook his head, trying to focus on the witch in front of him. He  
gently took her outstretched hand, and turned it, kissing her knuckles  
through the velvet material of the glove. "After you Milady." grinned  
Harry, all to happy to watch the witch spin, and follow yet another  
delicious arse through the nearest doorway.

Harry wondered idly if there was some sort of Wizarding Wireless  
infomercial gadget that all of these witches used to keep so fit and  
toned, a potion, or something in the pumpkin juice. Whatever it was,  
he thanked Merlin for the miracle of a tight, pert witches' arse.

He stepped forward quickly, before they entered the room putting his  
hands on the swaying hips in front of him, and pulling the witch back  
to grind against his straining erection. He felt the witch wiggle her  
hips, and let out a low moan. He leaned forward, whispering into the  
witch's ear. "Mmm, I can't wait to unwrap you my dear."

The witch in red giggled, "Oh, I think we'll both enjoy that Mr.  
Potter. I fully plan on getting my stockings filled tonight." She  
reached back firmly grabbing Harry by the arse, and began pulling him  
through the doorway as he started to laugh.

"Ha, ha, haoo,ho! ho! ho!" laughed Harry, pausing as he felt more than  
just his eyes widen at the magic of the costume and the room. He had  
lost his grip on the witch, as almost everything seemed to suddenly  
swell. He looked down to just see his feet encased in shiny black  
boots, barely poking out past his suddenly large belly, that was still  
jiggling slightly at his laughter. He felt his stomach, that had  
suddenly taken on the consistency of a bowl of firm Jello. He traced  
his broad black belt, feeling the red velvet suit that was trimmed in  
white fur, before reaching up to feel a fluffy, soft white beard that  
would have had both Dumbledore and Hagrid green with envy. He reached  
up to his head, feeling a plush Santa's cap sat upon his head.

He groaned, pinching his red nose, as he shook his head. "Merlin, but  
you witches' are a kinky bunch. Saint Nick? Really Millie?" asked  
Harry as he felt his eyes begin to twinkle.

The witch in question, spun to face Harry, with her face red enough to  
match both of their costumes. "What can I say Harry? I love a man in  
uniform? Seriously though, remember how I told you and Hermione about  
how my family was famous for breeding magical animals?" asked the  
blushing witch.

Harry paused, thinking back to some of the conversations the three had  
shared, amongst other things. "I suppose, you said that the breeding  
ability was part of the Bulstrode Family grimmoire, and where you got  
the family name from. But what does that have to do with? No.  
You're bloody well having me on, Millie. Are you telling me that your  
family is responsible for?" asked a now dumbfounded Harry.

"Spot on, Mr. Potter. I didn't even realize it until I got older.  
It's definitely a well held secret, and it certainly explains my  
attraction to, well, larger blokes I suppose. Here now, take a look  
out the window, there is our pride and joy now." cooed Millie.

Drawn over to the window by Millie's leading hand, he felt his jaw  
drop at the sight of several reindeer meandering about the snowy  
landscape. His jaw dropped as a small herd of reindeer came flying in  
over the snow covered trees for a landing. The fact that the lead  
reindeer had a glowing red nose caused Harry's knees to buckle, as he  
nearly fell to the floor. "R-R-Rud" stammered Harry, as he pointed at  
the lead reindeer.

"Yup, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, although he prefers just Rudy.  
Something about not wanting to be known as 'The-Reindeer-Who-Glowed'  
supposedly. Gets him all pissy and emo. Don't really know what his  
problem is, as all the other reindeer girls want to shag him  
senseless. Something about breeding the strongest lines I suppose. At  
any rate, come this way, I have something else I want to show you. And  
Harry? It's rude to point." said Millie, grabbing him by the crotch,  
and once more leading him about.

Harry merely raised an eyebrow, wondering if the whole Rudy thing was  
just a not so subtle jab at him. He was just about to comment on the  
issue, when Millie opened the door to a cacophony of noise and  
flashing lights.

Harry was literally standing in the middle of Santa's Workshop. More  
disturbingly, he was surrounded by what appeared to be more floppy  
eared, bulging eyed house elves than he had ever seen, even in his  
days at Hogwart's. Worse, was the fact that every elf in the room was  
looking at him in a way that made Dobby at his most neurotically leg  
humping worst, look positively laid back. Harry moved closer to  
Millie, and whispered nervously, "I've got a bad feeling about this,  
Millie. All those little buggers look like they are about to pounce  
on me."

"Don't worry Harry, the only thing that will be doing any pouncing  
around here is me. C'mon, back here." cajoled Millie, dragging him  
through the room.

"You aren't wanting to do stuff in front of the elves are you?  
Because, I am up for pretty much anything, but I think all those  
googly eyes watching me might make me a little, floppy, as it were."  
said Harry rubbing the back of his head somewhat nervously.

Millie merely laughed, and opened the door labeled Santa's Office  
before pulling him in with a purred comment. "Care to find out if I am  
naughty or nice, Mr. Potter?"

Harry merely smiled, once more deciding to merely go along with  
whatever his witches had in mind for him. As he watched Millie pull  
the hood of her cloak back, he realized that fate had definitely  
realized just how poorly it had treated him as a young man, and was  
now actively trying to make up for it.

Millicent Bulstrode was the textbook example of a late bloomer. She  
had sprouted up early, towering over her peers at an early age. Being  
in Slytherin, she had been drawn in by the likes of Draco and Pansy,  
who while still cruel to her, at least acted enough like something  
resembling friends to fool her. She fell for the lines Draco fed her,  
and protected Pansy from well earned retribution. Pansy would  
instigate and stir the cauldron, and then retreat behind Millie to  
avoid the ramifications of her actions. This had lasted up until 5th  
year, when she saw first hand just how twisted the pair of Junior  
Death Eaters truly were. The excesses they had gotten up to as the  
unspoken heads of the Toad's Inquisition Squad turned her stomach. She  
had essentially defected, joining Hermiones' study group, and finding  
true friendship and acceptance there.

The fact that the other girls in the group saw her as a diamond in the  
rough, and a huge potential makeover project was yet another perk.

Once Millie had actual female friends who saw her as a true friend,  
rather than a brutish bodyguard in bloomers, she truly blossomed.  
Merely having friends gave her a light in her eyes, and an appealing  
smile. Combined with a magical makeover, a healthy diet, and a little  
support, and her outside began to match the inner beauty she had  
hidden. Hermione had gone to great lengths to redeem her new friend,  
and they had become close enough for her to bring Millie into her and  
Harry's sex  
life. Millie was quite the energetic and passionate lover once she  
was in a safe environment.

Throw in the fact she looked like a toned amazon, and Harry was more  
than happy to help the girls experiment and discover. Right now  
though, Harry was ready to do some exploring of his own, and find out  
just what was under that cloak.

Harry stepped forward, sliding his hands between the closed wrap at  
Millie's waist, before sliding them up to her shoulders and exposing  
Millie to his lusty gaze.

He drew in a deep breath, sighing in pleasure. While the view was  
definitely nice it appeared Ms. Bulstrode was planning on being  
delightfully naughty this year.

Harry let his eyes wander, while his hands roamed over her body.

Millie had continued the Mrs. Claus theme with her costume, but with  
decidedly less fabric than he remembered from stories and books as a  
child. Black high heels adorned her feet, with delicate silver  
buckles. The black fishnet thigh high stockings she wore had been  
arranged with the greatest of care, with the seams tracing the back of  
her long legs. He had to laugh, as he noticed the garter belt she  
wore, had a sprig of mistletoe dangling down to rest on her mound.  
The skimpy white fur trimmed, red velvet bustier was struggling  
mightily to hold in Millies' voluminous DD's.

Harry wiggled his jaw to loosen it, knowing just how much Millie liked  
to "ride" his tongue. The tiny red thong with small silver bells on  
the ties at her hips was another nice touch. He especially liked the  
white fur trimmed red bustier she wore, that  
was straining to hold in Millie's large breasts. The white fur choker  
with another silver bell, made for the perfect final touch. Millie's  
dark brown hair was drawn up into a bun held in place with one more  
silver bell.

Harry finally understood why Santa only left the North Pole for one  
night a year, if this was what awaited him on his return.

Harry undid the silver clasp holding Millie's cloak, allowing it to  
glide down over her body and pool at her feet. He ran his hands over  
her shoulders, tracing her collarbones. As she shivered, Harry raised  
his hands to her neck, before gently pulling her close and kissing  
her. They both smiled as the bells jingled softly. Harry let one hand  
trail down Millie's back to firmly grab an exposed arse cheek. "Well,  
that's one kiss, suppose I shouldn't ignore the mistletoe now, should  
I?" asked Harry.

"Mmm, better not. Bad luck and all. Not to mention I might get a  
nasty Nargle infection. I've been feeling all sorts of odd sensations  
ever since I put this outfit on earlier." purred Millie.

Harry frowned, before replying, "Heavens! I can only imagine. Why, I  
believe I might be feeling those tingles myself. As Luna has often  
told me, an intensive oral exam is a must!"

With that Harry dropped to his knees, and began nuzzling Millie's  
knickers. She gave a low moan, slumping back against the desk, resting  
on her elbows.

Harry inhaled deeply, smelling Millie's unique fragrance. He had  
always detected a hint of mint from her, but now it seemed to be  
almost an overpowering combination of peppermint and gingerbread. He  
wondered if it was a charm or some sort of potion, or simply a  
byproduct of the inherent magic that gave each magical some sort of  
signature scent and flavor.

Harry was quickly brought back to reality by the insistent crotch  
grinding at his nose. He could feel the thin material already  
beginning to moisten. Judging by the growls coming from Millie, his  
hair was rapidly in danger of a severe and sudden onset of More  
Pussylicking NOW! Baldness. Not that magic couldn't fix that, but it  
still hurt like blazes!

Feeling Millies' fingers thread through his hair, he pushed the  
material to the side and began his official taste testing.

Harry relaxed, hearing the growls soften to contented purrs and coos.  
Millie had softened around the edges, but there was still a horny  
amazon at her core, and she was not one for teasing.

Harry put his fingertips to her feet, jingling the small silver bells  
at her ankles before stroking slowly up her long legs. He enjoyed the  
firmness of her calves, and ran his fingernails from the back of her  
knees to her strong thighs. He started to focus on her clit with the  
tip of his tongue, enjoying the sudden change from a coo to a moan as  
he slid his hands under her arse and grasped firmly. He flicked the  
silver bells at her hips before untying one side of her knickers to  
pull them away from her glistening sex.

The moans quickly turned to a whine as he pulled back before standing.  
He ground his covered crotch against her bare one, keeping contact as  
he began unbuckling the large black belt at his waist.

As he undid the buckle, Millie's eyes opened, full of lust and raw desire.

"Mmm, trade places with me Harry. There's something I want to try,"  
said Millie, before grabbing him by the front of his shirt with her  
right hand, and pulling them together. She wrapped her left arm around  
Harry, tangling her fingers in his hair as she deeply kissed him. She  
seemed to enjoy the taste of herself even more than Harry from the way  
she was attacking him.

Harry pulled her arse to the very edge of the desk, grinding against  
her. He then freed her breasts from the bustier, pulling back in  
surprise at the jingling noise. He looked down, shaking his head at  
the sight of two silver bell nipple rings that jingled merrily as  
Millie giggled.

Harry merely arched his eyebrow, before directing a little magic to  
his fingertips. He reached up, tapping each bell, and smiling  
mischievously as delicate frost spread from where he touched. The  
chill was quickly transferred through the delicate metal, as Millies'  
nipples hardened even more, as she hissed in pleasure.

Frankly, as hot as Millie was running, he was surprised steam didn't  
come from the contact of the frost to her nipples.

"Well, these are new Millie. I imagine there's a story behind this,  
Hmmm?" asked Harry. He bent forward, slowly drawing large lazy circles  
around Millie's chilled nipples and areolae with his hot tongue.  
Smiling at the sound of Millie's hisses, he pulled back, looking the  
witch in eyes.

"Why, Millie! What kind of wizard do you think I am! I still speak and  
understand Parseltongue quite well, and that was possibly indecent!"  
laughed Harry, still grinding his crotch against hers.

Millie purred, "Oh, trust me Harry. I plan on getting a big lump of  
something in my stockings tonight. I am going to be a very, very  
Naughty witch tonight. Besides, it's all part of the tradition!" With  
that, she quickly turned the tables on Harry, switching positions, so  
that she was straddling him, and his back was on the table.

She made short work of his belt, and trousers, pushing them down and  
around his ankles. She was grinding her wet mound on his leg, as she  
stroked his manhood firmly. Harry merely relaxed, knowing he was in  
excellent, if somewhat demanding hands. He groaned in pleasure,  
feeling her engulf his manhood in her mouth, swirling her tongue  
around the tip several times before sucking lustily.

There seemed to be something odd though, as her mouth seemed hotter  
than normal, and actually getting hotter.

"Mmm...Meppmerment!" mumbled Millie, before suddenly popping her mouth  
off of Harry's manhood.

Harry blinked for a moment, wondering just what the hell Millie was  
talking about.

Just as he was gathering the mental faculties to ask, he noticed  
Millie leaning forward, puckering her lips again. 'No sense bothering  
the lady while she is busy after all, wouldn't want to distraCHRIST ON  
A BLOODY CRACKER!' thought Harry, as he arched forward violently. The  
roiling heat on his penis suddenly replaced with arctic cold  
discombobulating Harry quite thoroughly.

"Merlin Millie! You are just full of new experiences tonight, aren't  
you?" moaned Harry.

"Oh, you know me Harry, Thoroughly Modern Millie, and all that Jazz!  
Besides, turnabout is fair play, Mr. Potter. But let me find somewhere  
nice and warm to keep my favorite candy cane nice and safe." Laughed  
Millie. She climbed on top of the desk, and gave Harry a peck on the  
lips, before pushing him firmly down on his back.  
She twisted around, and Harry began to loosen his jaw once more, as  
she stroked him. Harry was looking forward to a nice rousing 69,  
before shagging Millie senseless.

Imagine his surprise when she rose up and angled his manhood between  
her spread thighs, and slowly sank her steaming pussy down on it.

Harry smiled, noticing the small runic tattoo over her delectable arse  
cheeks, bracketed by mistletoe and candy cane.

As Millie began to rise and fall, Harry could hear the various bells  
adorning Millie began to ring and chime. As the rhythm sped up, he  
realized there was actually a rhyme to her reasoning, and he thought  
he actually recognized some familiar carols.

By this point, Millie was rising and falling so rapidly the room  
sounded like a handbell chorus was taking place in the office.

Harry thought he recognized one of the songs, and getting in the  
spirit of things, smacked Millie firmly on the arse, before letting  
out a quite merry "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

Millie let out a loud, guttural moan, almost keening before it sounded  
like she started singing along to the music in some language he did  
not know.

'Merlin, but he brought out the kinky,if lovably odd witches!' thought  
Harry, stuffing a knuckle in his mouth, trying to keep from bursting  
into laughter.

He felt Millie spasm once more around him, drawing him even closer to  
the edge, when suddenly she stopped, digging her nails into his thighs  
as she leaned forward.

'Crap, maybe the smacking her arse was a bit much? Maybe he should  
have called out "On Millie, you Nympho!" instead?' thought Harry,  
wincing slightly at the nails in his thighs.

"Do I have your total attention and focus, Mr Potter?" Asked Millie,  
as she turned to look over her shoulder.

Harry was taken aback momentarily, as he could literally see the magic  
swirling in Millie's hazel eyes. 'Was this what he looked like when he  
was all worked up? No wonder Hermione and the girls got so worked up,  
Millie looked HOT like this!' Thought Harry.

"Focus now Harry! For the magic to work for all of those little boys  
and girls, you have to believe in it! Do you believe Harry? Truly and  
wholly believe in the magic?" Asked Millie, in quite the serious tone.

Aside from the look in Millie's eyes, something in Harry's very soul,  
core, magic whatever, seemed to respond, surging through his entire  
being. "Aye, I believe in the magic and in you, Millie!" Said Harry.  
He felt a charge run through him, and saw a flash, as Millie smiled,  
quite satisfied, before turning back around, and riding him like there  
was no tomorrow. She was howling at this point, and the bells were  
syncopated, but Harry had no idea as to what she was caterwauling  
about. He was merely holding on to her hips for dear life, and  
enjoying the ride. He felt Millie cum, her velvet walls milking him,  
before he saw her back arch and her fall bonelessly back against him.  
Even though her external body stopped moving, her insides were  
continuing to throb, and drove Harry over the edge. He reached up,  
grabbing Millie's breasts, emptying himself into her, and finally  
collapsed panting heavily.

"Bit late at the end there, eh Harry?" Laughed Millie.

Harry merely chuckled, before tweaking Millie's nipple and laughing at  
the jingle, "I don't know, we could say you were a bit early, just as  
easily now couldn't we Millie?"

"Oh Harry, a shag like is always right in the Nick of time!" Giggled Millie.

"Nice. And I just thought you were strictly a Naughty witch Ms  
Bulstrode. It appears I may need to change your ranking?" Laughed  
Harry, as he idly caressed Millie's sweaty body with his fingertips.

"Oh, no Harry, I think I got exactly what I wanted tonight. Now stop  
that it tickles!" Laughed Millie, swatting at his hands.  
The jingling this set off, set Harry off into another gale of  
laughter, which led to more jingling as well. "Well, I hope you got  
what you deserved then Millie. Care for a second go?" Asked Harry,  
trying to control his laughter.

"Mmm, I'd love to Harry. You'll need to watch me though, not sure if  
I'll be naughty or nice though. But the other girls would kill me if I  
was too greedy, and not a nice little death either!" Grumbled Millie.

"Well, I can't promise we won't pop in while you are sleeping, so be  
ready for anything. I'll keep my eye on you!" Laughed Harry.

As they slowly rose from the desk, Harry felt his costume reassemble  
itself around him, and marveled once more at the wonder of magic. He  
did wonder a bit that Millie dressed much more slowly, and that she  
buckled her costume back up by hand. 'Probably just a charm Hermione  
came up with for his costume,' thought Harry, putting it aside for  
later cogitation.

Walking out through the horde of worker elves, he wasn't sure whether  
to be relieved at the way they seemed to be ignoring him, or disturbed  
at the chipmunk like chattering, smiling and nodding they were rapidly  
communicating to each other with. He paused for a moment, did he just  
see a high five out of the corner of his eye?

Shaking his head, he escorted Millie out of the room. Just as he  
crossed the threshold, he smacked his forehead, turning towards  
Millie.

"I had the cookies, but forgot the milk!" He laughed.

"Well, that just gives you something to look forward to for next time  
doesn't it Harry!" said Millie with a bright smile.

Harry smiled himself, looking forward to his next encounter with  
Millie already.

Millie was promptly grabbed by Luna, and dragged over to the smoking and sparking  
Weasley Wizarding Whiteboard, where there were several other witches  
clustered.

He laughed once more, wondering why some of the witches names were lit  
and flashing, while others were not. Leave it to Hermione and her  
study club to make a party into a research session.

Harry suddenly paused, speak of his sexy bookworm, and he hears her  
voice. Except that sounded...

Like her screams!

Harry bolted towards the room where he thought he heard her scream,  
banging his head slightly on the door frame as his costume reacted  
around him. He slipped on a wet spot cracking his head as the door  
closed behind him, and the room went dark.

A/N: Things are starting to come together now, and hopefully, I can actually make some damn progress on this fic.


	8. Grinding Gears

A/N: Um. Sorry for the insanely long delay here. Heres 10 pages to try and make up for it some. :) More at the end.

* * *

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing!**"

* * *

Previously:

Millie was promptly grabbed by a smiling Luna, and dragged over to the smoking and sparking Weasley Wizarding Whiteboard, where there were several other witches clustered.

He laughed once more, wondering why some of the witches names were lit and flashing, while others were not. Leave it to Hermione and her study club to make a party into a research session. Oddly enough, smoke, fire, and general panic were pretty consistent themes with either parties, or research when Harry was involved. Hermione had done a study back during their 7th year, trying to come up with a disaster response checklist to distribute to the other students and faculty in Hogwarts.

Frankly, Harry thought she just wanted to prevent another incident where the faculty tore down the wards of the Head Suite. Dumbledore and the faculty had thought that either Harry had gone dark and was sacrificing Hermione, or that a level 9 Apocalyptic event was occurring, thanks to the bloodcurdling screams, pleas to assorted deities, unearthly moans, explosions, and shaking of the tower.

After that, Hermione had made sure to schedule "study sessions" with McGonagall and the rest of the Heads well in advance.

With a shower of sparks, Harry noticed that Pansy Parkinson's name literally exploded off the board and went screaming out of the room, leaving greenish flaming... letterprints? punctuations? behind it. Harry noticed that Luna looked particularly pleased with this, and was doing the happy Snoopy dance.

Apparently, without a bra as well.

He decided he should offer some help, and pulled his wand, stepping forward, and casting "Aguamenti!" at the now engulfed in flames whiteboard.

Odd. Harry didn't remember the Aquamenti charm being so...stringy? Or foamy for that matter? Had he been shaking his wand too much?

Of course, the irate screams of several witches led him to believe he had been slightly overzealous in the volume and direction of his firefighting efforts.

When Hermione stomped over and grabbed him by the wand he began to get slightly nervous. Perhaps an apology was in order? As she started dragging him away from the cluster of witches around the now merely smoking whiteboard, he tried to collect his thoughts, and formulate an apology. Should he go with the standard, "Whoops!" with a lopsided grin, or perhaps merely play ignorant? Judging by the death grip she had on his holly wand, he did not want to try shagging it out.

"Honestly Harry! What do you think you were doing shooting off without even checking with us first! I thought we had broken you of that habit back in school! It's not like you to go running off half cocked like that and just firing off all willy-nilly!" hissed a visibly frustrated Hermione.

"Well, excuse me, I see a hot situation and it looks ready to explode, so I did something about it. Excuse me for trying to protect you, you silly witch! I just wish I knew what the bloody hell was going on with my spells. I have never seen a water spell like that before, maybe I should just call it a night, my magic has been acting more and more odd all night long. Do you think I am OK, Hermione?" asked a somewhat nervous looking Harry.

Harry was looking back at the whiteboard, and rubbing the back of his head, thus totally missing the atomic blush and nervous glances Hermione was giving the other witches. She looked towards Daphne and Luna, who shrugged and appeared to be tasting the foamy coating the whiteboard respectively. She pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting off the headache she could feel building. Hermione mentally groaned, 'Both of the daft bints, I had to involve the two of them, you would think I would know better by now, but Daphne starts rubbing my shoulders, and Luna starts..."

"ne, Her-MY-OWN-knee! Potter to Granger, come in Granger! Are you ok?" asked Harry, recognizing the look of Hermione in deepening thought. If he didn't snap her out of it quickly, he may as well go home anyways.

With a start, Hermione shook herself, grabbing Harry by the other wand, and leading them both away from the frustrating duo. Harry was smiling, as obviously, whatever she had been thinking about was much more pleasant, and had greatly improved her mood. At least judging by the fact her grip, while still firm, was of the stroking variety, and not the snapping motion that it had been dangerously close to on his Holly wand mere moments earlier.

Harry made his wand jerk a bit in her hand, just to remind her that this wand was the favorite of both, and to reinforce that it was always willing to choose Hermione. He noticed a quirk at the corner of her mouth, and smiled back at her.

"Planning on cutting in line, Granger?" came a cultured voice from behind the pair.

Hermione turned around quickly enough that Harry was glad he had taken Tango lessons, and was able to shift directions so smoothly. While Hermione had a hold of his wand, he felt rather helpless, and was just nervous enough, that he managed to control his reaction.

In front of him was Cho Chang, in a scandalously inappropriate Hogwarts uniform that would have landed her in detention back in her fourth year for the amount of skin it exposed. Now that she was an adult it would classify as an unforgivable. Judging by the look Hermione was giving Cho, it might just be the cause for a few to be flung if things were not quickly calmed down. Hermione released Harry's wand, huffing and putting her balled fists on her hips, before glaring at Cho. The two stepped closer and started whispering furiously at each other.

Now that Hermione had released him, he could enjoy the view for a moment. Hermione hadn't changed into her costume yet, and while her simple white blouse and black skirt were nothing fancy, she wore them very well.

Even more so, thanks to the fact her top was soaked thanks to Harry's earlier spell, and her miniscule lacy white bra was basically see through.

Not an unlined white bikini by any stretch, mind you. But still, quite the nice view.

Cho's outfit was unbelievable- tight, short, and miniscule. The twin pigtails on her head, combined with the lolly she was sinfully fellating made Harry think all sorts of naughty thoughts. Like, 'giddyup!'', 'ride 'em Potter', and 'reach for her thighs'. It really was a criminal outfit, and he reaffirmed his earlier thought that it could easily classify as an unforgivable.

Harry of course, thought it would be unforgivable to not see that outfit hastily discarded on the floor of the nearest bedroom he could get her in.

Harry noticed the whispering was rapidly progressing to more of a hissed "shoutper", and the two witches were getting more and more upset with each other. Cho reached up and poked Hermione in the chest, and Harry suddenly felt the need to leave. The last time these two had gotten in an argument, they had wrecked his bedroom, and it had led to a massive obliviation, as well as repairs to the Goblin wards on Grimmauld Place. But Merlin, had it been hot.

Maybe he could see if there was some pudding or oil around to, "cool things off" as tit were.

It.

It not Tit, you bloody pervert.

Although, judging by Hermiones nipples, it was already plenty cold enough in the room as it wass.

Was! Damnation! What the hell was wrong with him? Of course the fact the two were now circling each other like two jungle cats just give him all the more reason to admire the splendid view.

'Bugger! There went Hermione, stomping her foot. Hands on the hips, wait for it...Shit! Why was she looking at him? He hadn't done anything wrong, it's not his fault!' thought Harry, suddenly feeling the desperate need to apparate to, Oh, I don't know Antarctica sounded nice right about now. He had heard really good things about it from a bloke doing research down there. Something about a nice place to take a vacation.

"Honestly Harry, just get over here. Take Ms. Lame, Unoriginal, Slutty Schoolgirl here, and shag her rotten. I need to go fix the whiteboard, and figure out what exactly the hell is going on." hissed Hermione, glaring at Cho in a way that reminded him suddenly she knew exactly what a Basilisk glare looked like. And seemed intent on reproducing it.

"The classics are always the best, Hermione. As a matter of fact, I think there's a library desk in the near future for us. I think Harry needs to see just what a true scholar can show him. Hopefully, I won't have to do too much remedial work to get him up to Outstanding. Tata now!" smirked Cho, grabbing Harry and dragging him towards the nearest door.

Harry frowned at Cho, looking momentarily at her swaying arse, and then back towards Hermione. Who appeared to have "that smile" on her face. Along with what appeared to be sparks of static electricity on her rapidly bushying hair. The last time she looked like that was...

Bugger.

"Go on in Cho, Harry will be in momentarily. I just need to speak to him for a moment." purred Hermione. Cho huffed, threw her hands in the air, and stomped into the room, mumbling something about "don't take up all my time, I am sure I'll have to work extra hard to get him ready as it is."

Harry winced. He looked to Hermione and saw her narrow her eyes at the oriental witches backside as it entered the door. She gave her wand an odd wiggle wobble motion he didn't quite recognize, and watched an oddly colored spell (that had a bit too much green in it for his liking) fly into the room, just as Cho was closing the door. He heard a muffled "eeptth!" and a thump. Looking towards Hermione with his eyes wide, he started to ask her what the bloody hell was going on.

"Honestly Harry! Trust me! It's just a little change of outfit and plans for Ms. Chang. She seems to think she can teach you something important, but honestly, I think it's just as spotty as divination. Now come here and give me a good snog, while I try to mitigate the damage from earlier." said Hermione, still smiling rather scarily. Why those two had such a rivalry, he would never understand. After a heated snog, they extracted their hands, straightened their clothes with a minimum of fondling, and headed in opposite directions. Just as he was about to walk in the room Cho was in, Luna came rushing up with a cart that was covered in a tablecloth. Why she was bent over at an odd angle, dragging her foot, and seemed to be squinting one eye was strangely familiar, he just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Oh Harry! Hermione said you would be needing these. Something about some field testing, and she wanted you to really put her arse to it!" said Luna with a smile eerily reminiscent of the one Hermione had been wearing.

"Don't you mean put your back into it Luna?" asked a bemused Harry.

"Well I suppose you could, but I thought you didn't like that kind of thing after your time with the zoo?" responded Luna, tilting her head to look at Harry. "I suppose that might mean I need to change my plans for our encounter then, pity. Suit yourself, I'm easy."

"Uh, how about I try this on Cho, and we discuss it afterwards?" said a somewhat worried Harry, as he tried to peek under the tablecloth.

Luna laughed merrily, swatting Harry's hand gently before pinching his bum fondly. "No peeking Harry! You have to unwrap your present first before you can peek at these. Off you go!" she said, smacking him rather firmly on the bum.

Harry shook his head once more, and pushed the cart into the darkened room in front of him.

He noticed his costume had changed into a pair of scrubs, with a thick apron and rubber gloves and boots.

Merlin, he hoped the cart wasn't full of acid, bleach and a shovel. He knew the witches tended to get feisty at times but...

"MRpphy moohid mruthing moothwormph!" (1) came from the shadowed form on the floor in front of him.

Harry sighed in relief at hearing what sounded like the voice of Cho. Of course, knowing Hermione, she had transfigured the pretty girl into a boar, or bird or something. He fumbled around for a moment, looking for the light switch on the surprisingly soft wall. Flicking it on he had to bite his knuckle to keep from laughing out loud. Luna's comment about unwrapping his present made much more sense now. He looked around the room, noticing several details, and wondered at just how much work his witches had put into this whole event.

Cho was laying on the floor face down with a green ball gag in her mouth, wearing a rather racy straight jacket. As he walked around the writhing girl, he admired the way her arse was waving back and forth. Upon closer inspection, he realized she was _just_wearing the straight jacket. Harry had to admit the padded walls were a nice touch, and knowing how energetic the sex between the two tended to be, probably a good idea all things considered.

Harry ran his hands through his hair, wondering if he should flip Cho over, or see what was in the cart first. Hearing more of Cho's muffled curses, he decided to flip her over before she got worked up enough to start throwing off accidental magic. Plus, he really didn't want to upset Luna. She came up with very...creative ways of punishing people who disappointed her.

People who upset her tended to just disappear.

Which was why everyone had been so worried when Ron disappeared after a fight with both Hermione and Luna. The wanker-formerly-known-as-best-mate had whispered something in Luna's ear, which had led to her laughing merrily, and then telling Hermione. Who found it none too amusing. Harry snickered, looking back fondly on that night. Angry witches proving a point were phenomenal, as long as you were the beneficiary, not the target. Sadly, Ron still woke up screaming like a terrified little girl every morning when the birds would start chirping at the Burrow.

Harry had woken up with a smile for the next month once Hermione and Luna found out that he had charmed tweeting birdsong to follow Ron where ever he went and wake him up at an ungodly hour.

Harry shook his head once more, marveling at just how far the Weasley family as a whole had fallen since the end of the war.

Meh. Ginger troglodytes brought it down on themselves for the most part. On to the prescribed treatment for the patient. Must follow the Doctor's orders after all.

Hermione had been insufferable when she finally got her Doctorate. Although, her in the Doctors outfit, and Luna and Daphne as naughty nurses had made for many a happy encounter.

He idly wondered how they had managed to get his old bed from the Infirmary of Hogwarts and away from Pomfreys' shrine to him though.

"***MRPHER MRPHING MOOPHY MEPH MEH MOUPH MUFF MERPH!***" (2) came from the floor below him.

Harry looked down, it appeared Ms. Chang had managed to roll herself over with out any outside assistance. Harry had to admit, Hermione's transfigurations were impressive. Cho was in what appeared to be a standard issue straight jacket from the back. Once she had flipped over though, he realized Hermione had definitely gone with a more risque version. The bottom came to mere millimeters below Cho's crotch, which was covered by a thick leather belt. The belt ran up over her crossed arms, which were just below her breasts. Which were nearly spilling out of the large heart shaped cut out over them, thanks to the aforementioned arms pushing them together and up.

Harry merely raised an eyebrow and shrugged, deciding to go with it. As usual, he suspected following Hermione's lead would lead to good things.

Or in this case, sweaty, happy fun time!

With that Patronus worthy thought in mind, he walked over to the cart, and pulled the sheet off with a flourish.

Once more, he realized just how important it was not to anger the witches in his life. Because it appeared that Hermione and Luna had been on a steampunk kick yet again. He quickly pulled the welding goggles down over his eyes, having learned his lesson in the past with the two's rather explosive creative tendencies. There was a strong scent of burnt two-stroke oil, alongside the sharp aftertaste of WD-40 penetrating oil rising in the fumes from the small briefcase sized contraption. Examining the apparatus more closely, he saw a large toggle marked "Flip me". He shrugged, and proceeded to do activate the marked toggle switch.

The contraption proceeded to shudder to life, and small puffs of smoke came from several exhaust ports on it. A dial began to indicate that the system was slowly charging. Since it looked like he had time to kill, he made his way over to Cho. Her eyes had widened, and she had scooted herself back towards the furthest padded wall. She was shaking her head frantically, mumbling over the ball gag. Harry arched an eyebrow, wondering what Cho seemed to be so panicked by.

He kneeled down beside her, removing the ballgag, and tossing it over her shoulder.

Cho shook her head, focusing on Harry intently.

"Not 'im, Not ime, No time, Not im!" mumbled the girl shaking her head.

Harry was rapidly growing more concerned, wondering what the hell the girls had been getting up to lately.

With a loud clank, suddenly the shrill sound of steam being released filled the room.

Cho shrieked, pushing off from the wall, knocking Harry down in the process. He was so shocked by her reaction, it took him a moment to realize that she was pulling his scrub pants down with her teeth, and was frantically lapping at his cock as it was freed. Harry wasn't sure what was going on, but he was definitely enjoying the skill of Cho. He knew Hermione and Cho had several steaming hot encounters over the past few months, with the older girl generally being the aggressor, and that it was something of a sore topic for Hermione just how much she seemed to end up as the sub in their play. Judging by the way Cho was trying to deep throat Harry, it seemed Hermione had found Cho's weak points and managed to not only unlock the girls submissive side, but destroy the door in the process.

Cho seemed quite happy now, while not calm, she was humming a song, and moaning loudly. Harry decided once more to simply relax, and go along with things. After all, it wasn't every day that he got to enjoy a fantastic blowjob, and enjoy the sight of an amazing arse wave back and forth in front of him.

Just most days.

Harry put his hands back behind his head and thanked his lucky stars once more for giving him a fabulously kinky bookworm for a girlfriend. Sure there were the occasional hazards, and the odd Dark Lord and manipulative geezer or two, but life was pretty damn good. Whatever was going on, Cho seemed to be into it. Every witch had their own particular scent of arousal, and Harry could pick up Cho's now. It seemed she liked whatever was going on quite a bit. Although for some reason, he could swear he smelt chips frying. Shaking his head, he wondered once more just what was going on. There was no way he would tell Cho that he could smell fish and chips when she was aroused. Harry was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the clicking and whirring noises getting louder and faster.

Cho? She definitely did. She frantically tried to increase her pace, realizing just what would happen if she didn't bring the Master to a satisfactory orgasm quickly enough. Forcing Harry's cock deeper into her throat, she tried to ignore the staccato rhythm she could feel through her swollen nipples touching the floor.

Harry didn't notice much of anything other than Cho trying to suddenly inhale his cock. He sat up somewhat, resting on his elbows as he looked down at Cho. "Cho, what the hell? I know there are quite a few other witches out there, but it's not like it's a timed competition is it now? Wait, it's not is it? I know Hermione likes to use me as a guinea pig in her sexperiments and all, but..."

Harry froze, looking behind Cho, at the device behind her. The mechanism had unfolded itself from the table, and taken the appearance of some sort of multi limbed techno organic monstrosity. It looked like something Hagrid would have loved if he was a gearhead. Some sort of cross between a Cthulu and a toaster. He could hear the whine of servos and machinery, and as it grew louder, he noticed Cho beginning to whine in nearly the same pitch.

The machine came up behind Cho, and placed some sort of pincer like grips on her hips. Something clanked and dropped from it's undercarriage, as it lurched forward, rising up over the whining witch. Cho suddenly bucked as her eyes grew impossibly large and her pupils fully dilated. Harry felt his eyes grow rather large as well, as suddenly Cho was driven forward, her throat opening fully, allowing her to reach the base of Harry's cock. Cho's entire body seemed to be vibrating, as she was now keening in harmony with the machine pistoning away atop her.

Harry was in shock, watching as more appendages unfolded from the device, and began whipping about. He watched astounded, seeing the arms as they grabbed Cho's arms, pulling her back and forth, as others sliced the strait jacket off of her. Still more arms wrapped around her legs, her torso, her throat. Harry watched in shock as two tube-like arms swirled around Cho's generous breasts. The tips opened revealing bright green suction cup like tips that affixed to her nipples. Cho bucked back against the machine, as the cups affixed to her nipples began sucking, letting loose small green sparks occasionally. The machine was moving so rapidly now, that Cho was actually vibrating in sync with the machines oscillations. Her body was flushed, sweaty, and Harry could only watch as the woman's eyes would flutter as she tried to bring air in through her nose, when she was not having the wind driven out of her by the machines thrusts.

While Harry was watching in a mix of shock and arousal, he noticed the machine seemed to be glowing bright green. Harry enjoyed a good blowjob and all, but this was just getting bizarre! The glow the machine cast was definitely something of an arousal killer. Green lights generally tended to have bad connotations in Harry's book. He narrowed his eyes looking at the machine, watching as a hatch irised open, with a long thin needle tipped cable feeding out of the port. He warily watched as it whipped about the room, searching for something. It seemed almost like some sort of cobra, swaying, searching for some form of prey.

Suddenly, it struck! The cable imbedded itself at the base of Cho's skull, and proceeded to run a strong current through the witch. Her moans reached a fever pitch, as she seemed to lose control, her entire body shaking furiously, her back arching. He saw her eyes mimic an old fashioned pair of 3D glasses growing blue and red, before merging into a glowing purple. The machine suddenly had several more arms all attaching or grabbing the witch all over her body. Harry could feel the energy building in the room, and the scent of ozone and frying chips was even stronger in the air now. The mechanical monstrosity let out a long shrill whistle, as it suddenly began discharging glowing pulses of emerald energy from ports on its carapace which arced across it's body.

Cho's eyes had rolled back, so that only the whites of her eyes could be seen, still giving off a bright purple light. Her magical aura seemed to be coming up into the visible spectrum now, purple tendrils of energy lashing out, leaving singed marks on the padded walls of the room. Harry watched as the energy was merging, almost caressing the green pulsating energies coursing about the contraption.

Cho's body seemed to go into an epileptic fit, convulsing and shaking, as if a demon itself had possessed her. Harry, feeling her throat pulsate in time with her body, proceeded to lose control, firing a strong blast of semen down Cho's throat, before his own magic reacted to Cho's aura, pushing him back and away from Cho to the other side of the room. Harry had a brief mental image of pages of numbers repeating over and over. He blinked and watched as his willy proceeded to coat Cho in his own personal lubricant, and he simply sat against the wall watching as Cho was pulled totally upright and made into a human starfish by the machine. Every orifice seemed to be filled, and her entire body was caressed, stroked, and occasionally spanked by the bizarre machine and it's numerous bizarre appendages. After a few more moments, the machine slowed, letting her upper body slump to the floor, with her arse still up in the air, being filled by the multiple probes of the machine. As one of the probes pulled out of her mouth with a sloppy pop, a combination of sperm, drool, and who knew what other fluids leaked from her now gaping mouth. Cho moaned, and turned her head to the side, resting her right cheek on the soft padded floor.

"Ohhhhhhh, TIM! I missed you sooo much!" cooed Cho, stroking whatever of the slowly waving appendages she could easily reach with a shaky hand.

"Hmmph, honestly! Silly witch can't even handle the training mode. She wonders why we say she's not ready." opined Hermione, clucking in disapproval at the puddle of witch on the floor.

Harry jerked in shock, looking to his left to see Hermione standing directly next to him, leaning casually against the wall.

"Just more proof that a weak mind is an easy target for nargles and nanotech Hermione." replied Luna sitting cross legged on his immediate right.

Harry put his hand to his heart, reminding himself that the two were like stealthy, sneaky little ninja librarians when they wanted to be. Always sneaking up on a bloke. Suddenly talking to him while he was trying to drain the snake in the morning, stealing his clothes to wear, whispering in his ear, surprise blowjobs in the shower...

Well, everyone has their peculiarities, that's what makes them unique after all.

Taking a calming and focusing breath, Harry asked the duo, "Either of you two mind telling me just what in the nine bloody circles of hell that was all about?" Harry looked back and forth between the two clothed witches, trying to ignore the coos of Cho about some Tim bloke.

Hermione blinked, hastily putting away her clipboard, before glaring at Luna, who appeared to be making some sort of origami with the paper from her clipboard.

"Well, it was meant as a lab assistant initially, but we found that when we crossed it with some of the runestones you created, it appeared to gain some form of sentience." explained Hermione.

"And just what kind of lab work are you two doing where you need something like that monstrosity around to shag you senseless?" hissed a rather perturbed Harry. "What would have happened if wouldn't have responded to your controls, and went on some sort of crazy rampage!"

"Oh, no worries Harry. We put in some overrides and safety controls to protect ourselves, and people in general. He just seems to like shagging bitches into submissive goo from what we have seen with Cho. Frankly, I think he's just being protective of Hermione. I think he views her as his mum." explained Luna, charming the small origami cephalopod to life, and clapping as it scurried over towards Cho and the machine.

Hermione huffed, before pinching her nose in frustration. "It's not like that, Luna. Besides, he should view Harry just as much as a parental figure, judging by the aura discharge and baseline evaluations."

"Wait, what? Are you trying to tell me that, that robotic refugee from a nightmare is somehow related to Hermione and I? What in the fuck have you two been getting up too in the lab? I thought we all agreed no more unholy abomination spawning or summoning unless everyone was fully briefed in advance?" growled Harry.

A low mournful whistle came from the corner of the room, where Cho appeared to be a human surge protector, judging from the amount of cables now plugged into her every orifice.

"Harry Potter, now you've gone and hurt TIM's feelings! You apologize right now, or no more swirly go round blowjobs in the shower for you!" threatened Luna.

"Tim, who the bloody hell is Tim? You've named the thing? Really now, what in the hell?" asked a severely confused and perturbed last of the Potter line. He was not keen on the idea that somehow he had spawned some sort of unholy terror unknowingly. Severus Snape and Trelawney had always said it would be a sign of the apocalypse if Harry procreated, but he had never taken it too seriously.

Hermione growled warningly at both Harry and Luna. "It's name isn't Tim, that's the acronym. Tamer of Insipid Minxes. I make one little joke during playtime after it pulled Cho off of me, and it sticks."

'Well, someone wouldn't let me name it 'Tantric Interrogative Mechanoid' like I wanted, so we compromised with your name. Besides, he's obviously male, and he makes such a cute techno organic tentacled abomination!" explained a pouting Luna.

"Well, I suppose it's better than SPEW. At least you didn't do something crazy like name it after Beardy McArsehat or Snotball." opined Harry, massaging his temples, and hoping the girls would not make him take the abomination to work during one of the take your children to work days.

Once more, he wondered just what the hell made his life so complex.

He looked over at the corner of the room, noticing that the machine, err... Tim, seemed to be at quite the fever pitch. He had to admit, it was horrifying to some degree, but being able to relax and watch Cho shagged senseless was rather enjoyable. Suddenly Tim froze and let out a long piercing shrieking howl, before literally pumping gallons of something all over and into Cho from its' numerous appendages. It shot back from the nearly catatonic witch, and somehow folded itself back into the small briefcase sized shape Harry had initially seen it in. He watched, suddenly surprised when a ding came from the box on the table.

Luna clapped and leapt to her feet, jumping about and shouting "Pudding's done!" as Hermione walked over and took the printout that came from the wobbling box. Hermione patted the box, and turned towards Harry and Luna with a beaming smile. "Hmmph. Teach that bitch to try and hold information out on me. TIM downloaded everything we needed, and now I can add it to our calculations Luna. Come on Harry, many more thighs to spread before you sleep tonight!" Just then, Tim let out a burst of rather noxious steam, and flipped over, all of it's lights, dials, and switches going to the off position. Hermione gave it a light swat, muttering "typical man" before heading over to the pair.

Harry looked back and forth between the witches. Hermione looked like the cat who had ate the canary, Luna looked like she still needed to put a bra on, and Cho.

Well, Cho was a sloppy mess of juices, lube, and limbs sprawling on the floor.

"Uh, shouldn't we do something with Cho?" asked Harry pointing over his shoulder to the pile o' witch still twitching spasmodically on the floor.

The two witches took one of Harry's arms each, laughing as they frogmarched him out of the room. Hermione snickered, casting a spell that caused the sheet previously covering Tim's cart to flutter itself over to Cho, covering her up nicely.

"No worries Harry, Cho will be fine tomorrow. A little sore, and definitely bowlegged, but happy enough. She always has to sleep off a good shag, you should know that by now." explained Luna as they left the room, and she turned off the light.

Harry shrugged, and watched as the two witches went back over to the whiteboard, and Hermione fed the strip of paper into a receptacle on the side of it. Once more names started changing color, lighting up, and numbers and runic symbols flipping over by their names rapidly. Something very odd was going on here, and Harry fully planned on getting to the bottom of it. There had to be some sort of relationship between all of the runes, the colors, and...

Just then Hannah Abbott came over and pressed her sizable bust into his right arm. "You look parched Harry, come on over to the bar for a minute."

Harry blinked. What the hell was going on that Neville's long term girlfriend was doing here, at what seemed to be a shag fest of epic proportions?

Ballgag translations  
1 *Bloody Stupid Fucking Bookworm!*  
2 *Mother Fucking Bloody Get me Out of here!*

A/N 2: So just to reassure everyone. I have this pretty much planned out till the ending, and I think it will be a fun happy, and sappy ending. Pretty sure I will destroy some cliches, and the costumes have been picked out for literally years now. I wouldn't mind a beta reader, as I always feel sort of guilty for posting my stuff over at CaerAzkaban and Seelvor's spot for feedback. Unfortunately, I have no idea how the beta system works. There are several nods to the greater HP Fanfiction authors in this chapter in particular, and I am curious how many people will catch them.


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